I Did Not Sign Up For This
by IndigoBlueButterfly
Summary: Pop ups are bad. They crowd your computer and, if you accidentally click on one, you get a virus or, in my case, a bunch of really hot Hetalia units that are pretty much here to stay and cause hilarity and chaos for me and my twin. I did not sign up for this shit.
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Click Random Pop-Ups**

**~*~Alexandra~*~**

I twisted around and propped my chin on my hands while I continued scrolling through the Hetalia fanfiction page. I was bored. So bored. I was bored while online, which was odd but there you go. My tumblr page was open, as was my e-mail account and several other miscellaneous sites that were mostly random pop-ups or cookies that I hadn't bothered to close.

I was actually supposed to be writing a five-page report on mitosis and meiosis for my biology course, but I had gotten bored after the first page and had started checking my fanfiction account to see if any of my favourite stories had been updated recently.

_Ugh, I cannot do this all night,_ I groaned and glanced at the clock on my laptop. _It's past 11, I should probably turn off my laptop and go to sleep._

Oh yeah, you have no idea who I am, do you? Well, my name is Alexandra Clare, age 18, currently in college and working. I lived with my twin brother, Eric, in a relatively large house given to us by our grandfather in his will. The house was actually near our college, and was rather large for two just-legal kids.

The plumbing was a bit whack, but Eric and I had been trained in the skilled art of DIY by our dad. The two of them believed that, female or not, I should be able to do basic tinkering at the very least. I can work a car engine, change motor oil, light bulbs and other stuff. Due to that, it didn't take too long or too much to fix everything up again. Yay for DIY skills!

I yawned. The door of my room opened and Eric walked in holding two mugs of hot chocolate. As my twin, he understands our shared love for chocolate in any form. He and I look a lot alike. We both have black hair and blue eyes with flecks of gray. We look like male and female versions of each other. If I was about a foot taller, and more muscular, and male, I would look just like him.

As it is, I'm stuck at five ft five, but at least I'm cute. "Here you go, darling," Eric climbed on my bed and passed over my mug. It was my favourite mug, the black one with the dark pink hearts all over it. I pulled a face at the endearment. He calls every female in his life that, except our mother. The first time he tried it she stared at him with such a deadpan expression that he had to withdraw it.

"Thanks Eric," I took a sip of my chocolate, and then squealed quietly when he suddenly leaned over me and stared at my laptop screen. "Could you not?" I demanded. "I am not a pillow!"

"Aw, but my baby sister is so soft!" He snickered at me.

"I'm your _twin_," I rolled my eyes. "We were born at the same time, you idiot." Oh for the days when I could actually cream him in a fight. now I can only rely on grown nails, pinches and dirty tricks to win fights, and I love him too much to do anything to him. "So whatcha doing?"

"Shutting down," I closed my fanfiction and tumblr pages, and began closing the million-and-one pop-up ads that managed to crop up whenever I opened the site that I normally used to watch anime. Eric and I read the claims on the ads curiously, even though we would never click one (except for kicks), we wanted to see what sort of weird claims people tried to use to lure people.

_I won a million dollars in some random lottery? Awesome. _Close.

_I can make $3000 in one month just by clicking this ad? Nice. _Close.

_New health tip to lose twenty pounds in just a week? Brilliant._ Close.

_Win free Hetalia Units?_ _Great, wait, what!?_ I paused with my mouse hovering over the tempting offer. It was a cute pink and yellow banner, with an image of Chibitalia and chibi Germany and Japan on the front. I read the words next to them curiously. _Congratulations, you are our 100__th__ visitor and have won Hetalia Units! Click here to claim your reward!_

"Oh look," Eric said. "It's that weird, historical anime show you like so much."

"Hetalia," I told him. "It's called Hetalia."

"Yeah, yeah," he smirked. I rolled my eyes, and then cocked my head to the side as I stared at the ad on the screen. On the one hand, most of these things were hoaxes and I could be giving these people access to my computer among other things. On the other hand, it had Hetalia on the front. I _loved _Hetalia! And besides, how many hackers used anime to lure people anyway? Not that many, I bet.

_Still,_ I figured. _Better safe than sorry. _I clicked the 'x' in the corner to close the window. Instead, a tiny image of an envelope being carried by a small Flying Mint Bunny appeared and the words: _Thank you for accepting this unique offer. Your free Hetalia units will be chosen randomly and shipped to you within three to five business days!_

"Wait, what did you do?" Eric stared at me with wide eyes.

"I don't know! I clicked the x, I swear I did!"

There was some small print at the bottom that I couldn't have read, even with the eyesight of an eagle, but that wasn't important. _What did I just do? I clicked no you bastards!_ Ah well, at least they were free and my computer didn't seem to be acting up in any way. I sighed and shut down the machine.

"This is going to come back to bite us in the butt, isn't it?" Eric stared at me.

"Most likely," I agreed. "Now, get out of my room. I want to sleep, and you're messing up my feng shui."

"How dare you? My very presence makes your room ten times more awesome!" He sounded like a very familiar character right now. I threw my pillow at him, and he caught it. "I'm taking this!"

"No, that's my favourite mochi pillow!" I whined, but I was too tired to actually get up and fight for it. Luckily, Eric took pity on me and threw it back to me, whereupon I began to cuddle it. "Thank you! Goodnight Eric!"

"Goodnight Allie!"

_Oh well,_ I figured as I closed my eyes._ What's the worst that could happen?_

**A 3 Day Time Skip brought to you by Flying Mint Bunny Corporation!**

I was in the kitchen trying to cook breakfast for Eric and myself, and simultaneously jot down points for my biology report in my notebook. I twirled my pen in one hand, while keeping an eye on the bacon I was making.

Bacon, if you must know, is my life and my comfort food. Did you know that it has the same addictive properties as crack? It is the stuff of gods, and probably what all pigs aspire to be (apart from, you know, being dead). Eric can't cook worth shit, so I do all the cooking, and he does the washing up. It's the deal we have, and he has to agree otherwise he would starve to death.

I'd already made three bacon and cheese sandwiches for myself, and I was making more bacon and some sausages for Eric. As I stood up to turn off the stove, I heard the doorbell ring. I frowned in confusion. It was way too early for guests, unless it was one of his friends come to drag him out for the day. They did that a lot, although when Eric came back from their last outing he looked pissed off and he wouldn't tell me what had happened.

Occasionally, one of his friends (usually Charles) would try flirting with me but I would shoot them down like a bison during hunting season.

At any rate, it wasn't any of his friends at any rate. Instead, it was some delivery guy. He was dressed in a green uniform with a logo of a familiar-looking Flying Mint Bunny on the left side. He also had a Flying Mint Bunny hat, which I would have stared at had I not been staring at the huge crate beside him.

I stared at it blankly, and then I stared at him. "Um, I'm sorry, but dafuq are you and dafuq is that?"

Troll comics, gotta love 'em.

He grinned cheerfully. "I'm Shawn. Are you Miss. Alexandra Clare?" I nodded warily. "This is your new Hetalia unit, courtesy of Flying Mint Bunny Corporations," he handed me one of those electronic…signing…thingies, which I signed in a loose scrawl. "Would you like me to wheel it inside for you?" I nodded and stepped back as he wheeled the crate into the house.

_It's big enough to hold a person! _I marvelled as I followed him into the house. _Wait, it's not a person is it? Because isn't human trafficking illegal?_

"Here, this comes with each unit. Read it carefully, you'll need it for this one," he then handed me a brown manila envelope. "Well then, I'll see you in a few days when your next unit comes! In the meantime, good luck and try not to die!"

"Try not to whatnow? Oi, Shawn, Shawn wait! Explain this!" He never once looked back. He got into the truck (which had a giant, plastic Flying Mint Bunny on the top) and drove away. I half expected the wings on the thing to start flapping and for the whole truck to just sort of fly away into the sun.

Instead, of course, the truck just kept driving until I couldn't see it anymore.

Once he had gone, I turned and stared at the box. "Ugh, useless mail service," I grumbled and opened the envelope. Inside was a small, star-spangled booklet with the words _Hetalia Unit Manual_ printed on the cover. "Now, what dafuq is this?" I opened the manual curiously.

_Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of an ALFRED F. JONES Hetalia Unit!_

I blinked at the booklet several times, and then looked back at the box, and then I looked back at the manual in my hands. As calm as I looked on the outside, on the inside I was actually panicking because, _holy frick-frack that shit was real. THAT SHIT WAS REAL! And I just ordered America and HOW THE FRICK-FRACK DOES SHIT LIKE THIS HAPPEN? I'M A somewhat NORMAL PERSON!_

Once I was done freaking out internally, I sighed and stared at the crate. _Well, I can't just leave this thing in the middle of the room. _I opened the manual and read through it curiously.

As I was reading, Eric came downstairs with half-smoothened bed hair. He must have gone to the kitchen first because he was holding one of the slices of buttered toast in one hand, and a cup of coffee in the other. "Good morning Allie!" He walked into the front room when he saw me, and then he stared at the giant crate standing right there. "Uh…okay…what is that?" He pointed at it.

"I think this may be one of the Hetalia units from that ad I clicked on," I went back to reading the manual. "According to this, we got America."

Eric cocked his head to the side. "Is that good or bad?"

"Well, it's both, really," I turned a page. "You should probably go bathe and stuff. You look like a homeless vagrant." I ignored the look of mock hurt on his face and finished reading the manual.

"So, there's an actual person in there?" Eric asked after his usual ten second shower time. "Isn't that illegal?"

"Maybe that's why they decided to send them to us," I sweatdropped as I stared at the crate hard. "At any rate, we have to wake him up now. We can," I consulted the manual page. "Play the national anthem, but apparently his singing sucks. We can put on a superhero show, but I don't know if any are showing this morning. Neither of us can do a proper English accent, and I don't want him act mean to me. I also don't want to be insulted by the alien."

"The what?"

"You should have watched all those Hetalia episodes I showed you," I sighed. "Well, let's see if any superhero movies are showing!" I skipped over to the TV and turned to Cartoon Network. "OMG, BATMAN BRAVE AND THE BOLD!" I loved that show! I forgot about what we were supposed to be doing and arranged myself on the couch to watch Batman take down the Joker (who is my all time favourite DC villain).

Suddenly…

_BOOM! _"IS THAT HEROICNESS I HEAR?" Eric yelped and ducked out of the way just in time as the crate exploded, literally _exploded_ right in front of us, sending shards of wood and glass flying in all directions. Luckily nothing was broken, as there wasn't much in there anyway. We had only just moved in a few weeks ago. "SWEET, BATMAN!"

There, right in front of me, was a genuine America lookalike. It looked exactly like him, from the obnoxious but ultimately heart-warming grin, to the strange curl of hair that was supposed to represent Nevada or something.

Without waiting for introductions, or for me to say anything, he vaulted himself over the back of the couch and landed beside me. "Oh, hi there!" He beamed at me cheerfully. "I'm Alfred, the HERO!" He punched a fist into the air. "What's your name?"

I was still a bit rattled from the explosion, the sight, and the fact that his jumping on the chair had caused me to bounce half a foot into the air. It took me a few seconds to answer him. "Uh…I'm Alexandra, but you can call me Alex or Allie…"

"No he can't!" Eric suddenly tackled me in a huge hug, and glared at Alfred. "As her twin and only brother, only _I_ get to call Allie that! You are not that special to my sister!"

Alfred blinked, clearly confused. I sweatdropped and pointed to Eric. "This is my twin brother, Eric, being overprotective and weird," I introduced. "Eric, Alfred. Alfred, Eric. Yay, now you know each other and Eric can let go of my head now."

"But Allie..." he whined.

"_Now_. I can't breathe properly." He released my head and I gasped for air. "Okay, I made coffee, eggs, bacon and sausages, along with a shitload of toast. Who's hungry?"

"ME!"

"THE HERO!" They both dashed out of the room in the direction of the kitchen. Distracting Eric with food has always worked, and I was glad to know that it worked on Alfred too. While they were raiding the table (thank God I'd eaten earlier) I went to look at the remains for the crate for Alfred's stuff. I found the box with his clothes, the McDonald's gift card (which was really going to come in handy) and Tony.

I stared at the alien, and it stared back at me. And then it spoke. "Bitch."

"Yes, in fact I am," I picked up the pieces of crate and tossed them outside to be thrown into the garbage later. "Go do your shit elsewhere," I waved a hand at the alien and went to meet my sibling and new...uh..._houseguest_ in the kitchen.

When I walked in, they were both fighting over the last bit of bacon on the plate. "It's my house!"

"I'm the hero!"

"My sister made it!"

I watched them bicker for a moment, and then walked in, picked up the plate of bacon, and ate it. "There," I smirked at them. "Problem solved. Alfred, do you want to pick a room now or should we go back and see if there's going to be another Batman episode?"

"WHOO! BATMAN!" So I suppose I had my answer. Eric frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but then his phone began to ring and he flipped it out to answer it. "Hey, you know," Alfred grinned at me happily. "Since I'm the hero, you can be my super-cute sidekick and help me fight bad guys and stuff! 'Cause that's what heroes do!"

_Super-cute?_ "Yay I get to be a sidekick!" I held up my hand for a high-five, which was both a painful and exhilarating experience. "Do we get costumes and a lair?"

"HECK YEAH!" America shouted, and we both punched the air excitedly.

"WILL YOU BOTH SHUT UP!?" Eric yelled at us. "Ugh..." he snapped his phone shut and groaned. "Apparently Derrick spent the night in jail and I have to go pick him up," he grabbed the keys of the car, which was a small blue jeep in slightly-used condition. "I should be back soon. You sure you'll be alright with…him?"

I sweatdropped at the way he eyed Alfred, like the guy was a rapist or something. He really should have watched all those Hetalia episodes I gave him. Alfred would never do anything like that, unless I accidentally knocked him into _Cracked_ or _Postal_ mode.

I waved a hand at him. "Yeah, Alfred and I will be fine. We'll watch cartoons and run around the house wearing capes and acting like dorks. Go bail out Daniel."

"Derrick."

"I don't care about your friends," I smirked.

Eric sighed, and then leaned forwards and kissed me on the forehead. "I'll be back soon Allie. _You_," he glared at Alfred and made the universal _I'm-watching-you_ sign. "Take care of my baby sister. If I come home and she has so much as a _scratch_ on her, I will kill you."

Alfred saluted with a wide grin. "Leave it to the hero!" A few minutes later, the car rumbled away down the streets. "Your brother's cool," he remarked, jumping to sit beside me again. The TV was now showing something about the _Fantastic Four_. DC was all good, but Marvel was the shit and would always be the shit.

"Yeah," I told him. "You know we're actually twins, right? He just likes to call me his baby sister because he was born ten minutes before I was."

"Whoa, you're twins?" America stared at me. "Everyone always thinks my bro and I are twins."

True. In nearly every fanfic I have ever read, Alfred and Canada are always described as being twins. But Canada's birthday was a good three days before America's, or was it different for countries? I don't know. "So what's your brother like?" I asked, even though I already knew. I wanted to see what Alfred thought of him.

"He's pretty cool," America said. "But he isn't as heroic as I am!" He was like Gilbert, only with the words 'hero' and 'heroic' in the place of 'awesome'. Ah well, America was better than the BTT at the moment. If Eric had tried to leave me alone with any of them, I would have freaked out and ran for my innocence and virginity.

We spent about an hour watching superhero/superpower-theme cartoons, and then we playe1d Mario Kart for another hour. "HOW THE ACTUAL FRICK-FRACK ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS?" I yelled at the screen as he won for what had to be the fifth time in a row. "I KICK ERIC'S ASS IN THIS GAME!"

"IT'S BECAUSE I'M THE HERO!" America crowed as the words _You Win_ flashed on his side of the screene. "AND HERO'S ALWAYS WIN! Besides," he smirked and poked my forehead. "The hero always has to be better than the sidekick. It's the rule."

I pouted and tried to bite his finger, but he whipped it away quickly. "Stupid rule," I threw my pad at him, and it nailed him right in the chest. I giggled when he pretended to fall over like I'd shot him. "It's almost lunchtime," I noted. "What do you want to eat?"

He sat up immediately. "McDonald's!"

I shot him down immediately. "No."

"But _whhhhyyyy?_"

"Because it is unhealthy, and will probably give you heart disease and thrombosis."

"Psh, I'm the hero! I'M TOO HEROIC FOR HEART WHATDJAMACALLIT!" I sweatdropped because now he was standing on the sofa and doing a superhero-like pose. "Please Alex? Pretty please? I'll upgrade you to super sidekick!"

I giggled. "Tempting, but no. Besides, Eric is going to come back soon anyway, so I'll make steamed rice and chicken sauce." America pouted like a five year old that had been denied a lollipop. _Aw, so cute. _"How about I give you your McDonald's gift card and you get as much as you want tomorrow, okay?" I said to placate him.

He cheered up instantly. "OKAY!"

I left him playing _Into the Dead _on my iPad and made my way to the kitchen to get started on dinner. By the time my twin was back, at around 6: 30 p.m., from bailing out whatever felon-friend he had gone to bail out (it had taken longer than expected), the rice was ready and America and I were debating on movies to watch.

Right now, it was a choice between _Final Destination 2,_ _The Ring_ and _The Grudge_. America was for _Final Destination 2_ while I was rooting for _The Ring_. "Allie, you hate horror movies," Eric pointed out.

"Yes, in fact I do," I nodded. "So that's why I want to _The Ring_, because I already know how it ends and there'll be no surprises to scare me." After all, the root of terror is fear of the unexpected.

"The hero never gets scared!" America grinned down at me. "Don't worry super-cute sidekick, I'll protect you from any ghosts and stuff that attack you!"

_You're cute. _I smiled at him, but then Eric suddenly jumped in front of me. "Since when do you call my baby sister cute? You don't get call her cute! If anyone's protecting her, it'll be me!" I sweatdropped at him. _I'm just gonna ignore the pointless show of testosterone and put in the movie._ I popped in _The Ring _and settled down between them with my bowl of rice and a large blanket.

About halfway through the movie, Eric had fallen asleep. He had watched the movie several times already anyway. I was still wide awake, and I could feel someone shaking next to me. "Uh…Alfred?" I stared at him curiously. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm totally fine!" His voice sounded rushed and abnormally high-pitched. The movie got to the part where the girl was climbing out of the TV and I suddenly felt part of my blanket shift away from me. America was using part of my blanket to hide his face, only leaving a small gap for his eyes.

I smiled slightly, remembering the manual. America was deathly afraid of supernatural horror movies, especially those made in Japan. It was cute that he was trying so hard to act like he wasn't completely terrified out of his wits.

Finally, the movie ended. Alfred was shaking pretty badly, but he still managed to grin quite widely and pretend like he was fine. Eric washed up, although he tried pretty hard to get out of it, while I went up to bed and snuggled under my mochi pillows.

I let my mind wander a bit as I tried to fall asleep. I wondered how my parents were doing now that they had the house to themselves, I agonised briefly about my biology report, and then I thought about our new housemate and his origins. _I should probably find out more about that..._

Just as I was about to drift off to sleep, I heard the door of my room creak open slowly. I groaned and rolled over so I was facing away from the door. "Eric, what do you want now?" I smooshed my face into my pillow.

"Uh...Alex?" I blinked and rolled over again. Alfred was standing in my doorway with a pillow and blanket. He was wearing one of Eric's old shirts, and a pair of boxer shorts.

"Alfred?" I stared at him curiously. "What's wrong?"

"No," he rubbed the back of his head nervously. "I just wanted to know if I could sleep here tonight! Since that movie probably freaked you out, I figured I'd be your hero and protect you!"

_He's such a dork it's adorable_. I find many things adorable. I fear for when Italy gets here, I probably won't let him out of my sight. Out loud I said: "Well...okay, just for tonight I guess..."

America grinned widely. "Sweet!" He hopped onto the space beside me on my bed. I scooted a bit more to make space for him, and closed my eyes. A minute later, America flopped down beside me. "'Night sidekick!"

"Goodnight hero."

I had never shared a bed with a guy before, other than Eric, and I found it odd that I didn't really feel too awkward about it. Alfred seemed like a blonde, more hyperactive version of Eric, but with a hero-complex.

My last coherent thought before I fell asleep was: _Eric is going to flip when he sees this._


	2. Pasta Chef

**America is a cute dork, isn't he? I don't own Hetalia! All manuals are owned either by LolliDictator or 0ptimusPenguin.**

**Pasta Chef**

I was right, Eric did flip. It took a lot of explanations, some coffee, and several blueberry muffins for him to calm down. Most of the time, Eric is pretty laid-back and relaxed. He only panics whenever he thinks I'm getting too close to another guy. I remember one time in high school when someone asked me out and Eric followed us around until I caught him hiding behind a bush.

According to him, the thought of me falling in love with someone freaks him out for reasons he doesn't even know. As for me, I don't really care too much about his love life. I just wish he was better at picking dates. The girls he usually went out with were bitches (in the most negative way possible) who picked at me whenever they came over.

Anyway. "America," Eric turned to the blonde. "I don't mind you being around my sister, since you didn't hurt her last night. You seem relatively alright and not-weird. But," he folded his arms. "If you're going to stay here, then you need to get a job."

"I do?"

"He does?"

"Of course he does!" Eric rolled his eyes at the two of us. "How do you expect us to feed him and any other uh..._units_ we may get?" Oh yeah, I hadn't thought about that. "So, according to this thing," Eric picked up the manual and flipped to the _Jobs Available_ page. "You can be a politician..."

"No."

"...he can also be a bodyguard..." I wavered at that one. But who would we lease him out to guard? I didn't want us getting mixed in any shady deals so I shook my head. "He can also be a policeman."

"That sounds pretty good," I said. In the end, however, we decided on salesman. I think Alfred just liked the idea of being paid to walk around in a nice suit and talk to people. According to the manual, his sheer enthusiasm, natural charm and good looks would have him raking it in quickly.

"Great," Eric snapped the book shut. "You can walk with Allie to school, and then go check for a job at an agency."

"Oh, then that means right now," I glanced at the clock. "Because my class is in like, twenty minutes so I have to start going _now_," I grabbed my bag. "Come on hero!" Alfred shoved one last muffin into his mouth and then took off after me. The college wasn't too far away, just a ten minute run from our house, so I made it with time to spare.

America adjusted Texas, which had gotten a bit crooked because of all the running, and ruffled my hair. "See you later, sidekick!"

"Bye Alfred!" I waved at him, and then turned to go into school. I could see some girls staring after him, and then staring at me. I am not one of the more popular girls. I mean, I'm pretty well known because of my participation in a lot of school activities and the fact that I'm Eric's sister, but I'm not _popular_.

One group of girls stopped me in front of the biology lab. "Who was that guy?" The girl in front asked me, snapping her gum to punctuate the end of the question. "You know, the cute blonde with the jacket that I saw you with?"

_I have little to no idea who any of you are, and yet you want to talk to me just because I happened to arrive with a cute guy?_ I stared at her blankly for a few seconds. "That was Alfred," I told them. "He's a friend of Eric's and he's staying with us for a while."

"Mmm, he's a hottie isn't he?" Another girl said. _Whoa. Keep it in your pants girls!_ "He's staying with you? Like, in the same _house_?"

"Pretty much," I ended the conversation prematurely and quickly slipped into class. _Note to self: keep units away from school. _

* * *

><p>oOo<p>

* * *

><p>When I arrived home, neither Eric nor America were home. The former was probably still in class, while the latter was probably at work doing...whatever. That or he was roaming the streets being the hero and would be back once he had exhausted himself, or once he was hungry.<p>

"At least now I have a little quiet time," I dropped my bag on the couch and pulled out my laptop. "I suppose I should begin my research on this whole Hetalia Unit thing..." I typed the necessary keywords into the search bar and a number of links popped up. Most were fanfics. Actually, nearly all of them were fanfics. But near the bottom, there was a link to a website . It looked potentilally promising, so I clicked on it.

At the same time, the doorbell rang. I put my laptop down and ran to the door to find...

"Shawn?" I stared at the familiar man in front of me, and then I tilted a little to the left. Yup, there was indeed a giant crate behind him. I sweatdropped. "Weren't you here just yesterday?" I asked, taking the signing pad from him and scribbling something moderately illegible onto it before handing it back.

Shawn just grinned. "Yep!" He replied cheerfully. "My bosses must really want you to have these. You should be glad! You did win them after all!" _Yeah, by accident_. I stood aside and let him wheel the crate into the house. "Here you go!" He handed me the brown envelope containing the manual, got back into his Flying Mint Bunny truck and drove away.

_You know, I don't think the sight of that will ever get any less surreal._ I shut the door and pulled out the manual, which was white, and flipped it open.

_Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a FELICIANO VARGAS Unit! _

I stared at the manual silently, but for a completely different reason than yesterday. Yesterday was panicking because I was confused and freaked out. Today, I was trying to control my raging love for cuteness so that I didn't terrify the poor Italian. It was really hard. _Calm down Alex. Breathe in, and out, in...and out...OMG IT'S ITALY I JUST WANT TO GLOMP HIS FACE!_

Once I finally felt that I was under control, I read through the ways I could wake him up. According to the manual, I could: make pasta, get a LOVINO, LUDWIG or AUGUSTUS (which I assumed to be Grandpa Rome) unit to come yell at him, or just yank on his curl.

_Well, I don't have any of those,_ I thought._ And this seems like the least traumatizing/strange way to wake him up_. I went into the kitchen and started heating up some water. The crate was a bit far away, but by the time I had started pouring in the linguini, I could hear thumping from inside the box.

"_Ve~, let me out! It's dark in here!_" I quickly ran over to the box and opened it using a knife to remove the screws at the top. As soon as I removed the top, someone jumped on me. "Ve~! Thank you bella! You saved me from the scary box!"

In front of me, once again, was another hetalia character lookalike. His eyes were squinched shut, and he even had the weird curl sticking out of his head. He was hugging me really tightly, and rubbing his cheek against mine. _Must...resist...urge...to glomp..._ "Ha," I choked out a small laugh while trying not to squeeze the life out of him. "You're welcome."

"What's your name, bella?" He leaned back to stare at me. I assume he was staring at me, because I couldn't see his eyes at all. "My name is Feliciano and I like pasta and pizza and pretty girls!" _Resistance weakening..._ I was beginning to break out in a sweat.

"Um, my name is Alexandra, but you can call me Alex," I told him.

"Ve~," Feli smiled at me. "That's a really pretty name for a pretty girl!"

I lost my inner battle for composure and tackle glomped him to the ground, which was how Eric and America found us when they came home about five seconds later. They found me on the ground cooing over a confused, but nonetheless cheerful Italian man. "Allie, what the hell are you doing?" Eric stared at me. Behind him, America was laughing at the scene.

"But he's just so _cute_!" I hugged Italy tighter. "Oh, and we're having linguini for dinner tonight."

"But I brought you McDonald's!" America held up a bag with the familiar golden arches on the front. I stared at the bag of greasy, unhealthy and highly processed food, and snatched it out of his hands.

"We're still having pasta," I told him as I began unwrapping the burger. He'd only gotten me a large cheeseburger. _What, no fries?_

America blinked at me. "But...won't you be full after that?"

I finished unwrapping the burger and took a few bites, which I chewed and swallowed, and the I stared at him. "My stomach is almost a bottomless pit," I informed him. "It takes a _lot_ to make me full."

"It's true," Eric nodded solemnly. "I don't know where it all goes."

"Ve~, because the pretty girl has a very nice shape, ve~!" Eric an America stared at Italy silently. It was clear that Feli was just voicing out his opinion with no other motive. He was rocking from side to side and humming something to himself with that same oblivious and adorable smile. _NO! HOLD IT IN ALEX! YOU CANNOT GLOMP HIM AGAIN!_

Eric sighed. "What is it will all you units calling my sister cute?"

I giggled and quickly chomped down the rest of the burger, and then I got to my feet. "Come on Feli," I held out my hand to the unit. "Let's go make pasta!"

"PASTA~!" He cheered as we ran into the kitchen. I set him to work making the sauce while I checked the pasta and drained it. "Ve~..._sorella_?"

"Hmm?" I looked up from where I was separating the strands and stared at Feliciano curiously. "What did you call me?"

He blushed slightly. "_Sorella. _It means 'sister', ve~. Since you saved me and you seem nice I wanted to be able to call you something." _Frick, he's blushing. He's blushing. He looks so cute. Goddammit Alex, pull yourself together!_ "Ve~?" I realised I was staring at him really hard and he was beginning to look a bit freaked out.

I quickly smiled and looked away. "Yeah, if you want, I'll be your sister. So...how do you say brother in Italian?" I was almost fluent in French, not Italian. You'd think the two would be more similar, being descended from the same language and all, but they're not. They are not.

Feli gave the sauce one last stir, and then turned off the stove. "Ve~, that's _fratello_."

Fratello. Frère. Brother. I beamed and hugged him around the waist. "Then it's settled! I'm your _sorella, _and you're my new _fratello_. And I will protect you from anyone that tries to hurt you!"

"Ve~!"

"Aw, you're so cute!"

The door of the kitchen suddenly flew open and Eric burst in. "I heard cooing!" He glared at the two of us. "Allie, I know you have this weird fondness for stuff you consider cute, but don't you think this is a bit much?"

"It is _not_ much!" I informed him. "Oh, and food's ready! America, help me set the table!" The blonde saluted cheerfully and left the kitchen while I carried the linguini and pasta sauce to the table. I quickly served myself and Feli, who nearly inhaled his plate on the first try. I took a bite. "This is amazing!" The sauce was heavenly. "Feli, you have got to teach me how to cook pasta sauce like this!"

"Ve~ _si sorella_!"

"WHY IS HE CALLING YOU 'SISTER'!?"

"ERIC, YOU'RE SCARING THE ITALIAN! PUT DOWN YOUR KNIFE!"

"VE~, SAVE ME SORELLA!"

Throughout all of this, America just laughed obnoxiously in the background until I finally threatened not to make anymore chocolate brownies if they both didn't just shut up. It worked, and the rest of the dinner went quite well. Feli stuck really close to me, though, and he kept whimpering and _ve_-ing a lot.

Finally, dinner ended and I left Eric and America to do the washing up. As I was going up the stairs, I spotted my laptop on the couch. _Oh yeah, I was researching something earlier about these units!_ I jogged back down and picked it up. Unfortunately, the battery had died. _Ugh. I guess that'll just have to wait until tomorrow._

I plugged the device in my room and quickly changed for bed. As I was climbing into bed, however, I heard a knock on the door. "America, I said that was a one-time deal only!" I rolled over as the door opened, and then I blinked. It wasn't America. It was Italy...but naked.

I half-yelped, half-screamed, and pulled my covers up to cover my eyes. Italy, freaked out by my scream, began crying and yelling apologies and begging me not to hurt him.

My mind flashed back to the manual. _Italy likes to sleep naked, even in the series._ I mentally facepalmed for not remembering that fact. "Feli, I'm not going to ask you why you are naked right now," I used my hands to block out my view of his...uh...lower parts. "But why are you naked in _my room_?" I'd given him a room immediately after dinner. "Is something wrong?" I asked him.

"Ve~," he shifted nervously. "I get lonely when I sleep by myself, so can I sleep here with you?"

_Frick, he's so cute._ I smiled slightly. "I guess so," I said. "But only on one condition."

"Ve~?"

"You have to get some pants." There was no way I was sleeping in bed with a full grown, naked man, even if he was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen.

Italy pouted. "Ve~ but I get uncomfortable wearing them to sleep!" _Well I get uncomfortable in the presence of naked men._ He suddenly beamed. "But if it means I can sleep next to you tonight, then I will wear them! Ve~!" He zoomed out of the room, and quickly returned with a pair of pyjama pants. "Sorella, is this okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. Hop in." He did, literally, and quickly snuggled up to me with little or no hesitation or awkwardness. It was like we'd been doing this all our lives.

He buried his face in the junction between my neck and shoulder, and _ve_-ed sleepily. "Goodnight, _sorella_."

I ran a hand through his hair, avoiding The Curl, and closed my eyes. "Goodnight Feli."

* * *

><p>oOo<p>

* * *

><p>"WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH YOU LETTING THESE UNITS SLEEP WITH YOU?" Eric ranted the next morning. It was Saturday, which meant no classes and almost no work. America hadn't come downstairs yet, and I was considering going upstairs to wake him up.<p>

"But...he's adorable!" I flipped several stacks of bacon in the pan, and then dished them. Feli was still upstairs getting dressed, after being terrified out of my room by Eric. "Besides, you should be glad we have all these units. Maybe they'll show me how to cook more dishes!"

Eric rolled his eyes. "That seems like the only up side," he muttered. He shoved a strip of fried pork into his mouth with pout. "Fine. You make really good food anyway. It tastes like home." _D'aw_. Eric, for all his over-protectiveness and inability to pick good friends and girlfriends, really is an awesome brother.

I hugged him briefly. "Thanks Eric." A second later, Feli came skipping down the stairs.

He beamed at me happily. "Ve~, good morning _sorella_! Good morning _sorella's_ other brother!"

"You can just call him Eric," I walked over and hugged Italy. "Good morning to you too, Feli. Did you sleep well?"

"Ve~, I slept very well _bella_! I don't feel lonely when you're with me!"

"That's good!"

Eric grunted and grabbed a piece of toast from the plate on the table. "Well, he needs a job too anyway. I'll get the manual." Feli and I waited in the kitchen while he hunted down the Italian's manual. There were only three jobs listed for Feli. "It says here that he can be...a stripper?"

"HELL NO!" I wrapped my arms around Feli's body and glared daggers at the manual. "_Hell. No._"

My brother held up his hands in a _hey-don't-shoot-me_ sort of way. "He can also be...bait?" My glare only solidified. I half expected the manual to burst into flames, which would be a pretty cool power, really. America would love that. "Okay, and he can be a babysitter. Apparently he's great with kids!"

Well, that sounded much better than the other options. "Okay," I nodded. "But that will have to wait until Monday because all the preschools are closed for the weekend. Eric, can you go wake America up?"

"I would," he shrugged. "But I have to go out now."

I arched an eyebrow at him as he started grabbing his phone and wallet. "You're not worried about leaving me in the care of two male units?" I asked.

"Hey, one of them is an idiot with a hero-complex, and the other looks a bit too innocent and cowardly," he grabbed the car keys. "Besides, if anything happens, I trust you. You have a baseball bat."

I did. I did have one. I played baseball in high school and my mom got me a bat. It was originally plain wood, but I had customized it with makers and stickers so it looked pretty cool now. "Okay. Bye Eric!" The door shut behind him.

I went back to the kitchen to find Feli sitting at the table eating a slice of toast and _ve_-ing happily. I smiled slightly, and switched off the stove. "Ve~, Alex?" I hummed to let him know I'd heard him. "I found paint in your room, ve~...can I use it?"

I used to do art in high school, but I wasn't really cut out for doing it as a subject. I preferred to do it as a hobby, really. I nodded. "Yeah, I'll bring it down. The red is almost finished though, so I'll buy a new set when we go shopping," I ruffled his hair and my finger brushed against The Curl.

Feli immediately flinched. His face got a bit pinker, and he began _ve_-ing and whimpering. "_S-sorella..._"

I quickly whipped my hand away. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I apologised profusely over and over again. _But he looks adorable! He's so pink right now!_ After a few seconds, he began to calm down. The redness receded. "I'm really sorry about that," I looked down at him worriedly.

"Ve~, it's okay _sorella_!" He leaned in and pecked me on my cheeks. _Who gave you the freaking right to be this adorable, huh? Because I love you!_ I pecked him on one cheek.

"Well, I'm gonna go get the paints and wake up Alfred," I grabbed a slice of toast to eat on the way. "You know where the TV is, right?" He nodded. I left him in the kitchen and made my way upstairs to Alfred's room. I knocked once, no response. I knocked a bit louder, still no response. Finally, I pushed the door open.

The room was pretty bare, which made sense because it had been empty and not in use before Alfred. There were McDonald wrappers and soda cups on the floor leading up to the bed. On the bed was a human-sized lump covered with a duvet.

I sighed and quickly gathered up the trash and dropped it into the dustbin, and then I walked over to the bed. "Hey, Alfred!" I shook him a bit. "Alfred!" The duvet shifted a bit as America rolled onto his back. Now I could see his face. "Oi, America!" I tried pulling the duvet off him, but then he suddenly yanked down on the covers and I ended up beside him on the bed. I sweatdropped. "Hey, hero!" I poked his face. "It's your awesome sidekick here to tell you that it's time to get up!"

That seemed to do the trick. America opened his eyes, and then grinned at me brightly. He woke up faster than anyone I'd ever seen. "Hey sidekick!" He grinned down at me with a level of enthusiasm rarely seen in those that have just woken up. "Why are you in my bed?"

"You should be asking yourself that question," I poked his face one last time, and then rolled off the bed. "I made bacon and toast, but there's also cereal." I would have suggested pancakes, but I'd run out of eggs yesterday. _Which reminds me..._ "I need to go grocery shopping today."

I made a quick mental list of all the things we needed. _Eggs, butter, chocolate…ice cream? Maybe. If the store has cookies and cream, then definitely…_

I planned out all of this as I made my way to my room to look for the paints I had promised to give Feli. They were in the drawer I usually kept my hobby things in. There was some wool, knitting needles, crotchet pins, several needles, bits of fabric, an old sketchpad, a few markers, small paper flags of the U.S.A and Russia (made while I was studying the Cold War in my last year of high school), and several old diaries.

_I have way too much stuff. _I grabbed the paints and hopped downstairs to find Italy. On the way, I grabbed my jacket and wallet. "Alfred, Feli!" I called out. "I'm going grocery shopping now! Do you guys want anything specific?"

"PASTA~!" Feliciano poked a head out of the kitchen.

"We already have lots of that," I walked over and hugged him around the waist. "What about you, hero?" I asked Alfred, who had a bacon sandwich shoved in his mouth. He replied to me with his mouth full, and so his response came out sounding like garbled nonsense. "English, America. English. Swallow your food first."

He chewed a bit faster, and then gulped down his mouthful. "I said, why don't we just follow you?" He grinned at me. "As the hero, I have to protect you from bad guys, don't I?"

I rolled my eyes. I could take care of myself, but I guess the companionship would be nice too. "Ve~, I want to come too _sorella_!" Italy wrapped his arms around my neck and rested his chin on the top of my head. Darn my lack of height! And I'm done growing, so I'm going to be 5' 4 for the rest of my life.

I reached up and pinched his cheeks gently. "Okay then, let's go!"


	3. The British Are Coming

**I'm sorry to the reviewer who wanted Spain, but I'd already planned for France to be there! He is my favourite member of the BTT so, yeah...**

**I don't own Hetalia, neither do I own the information from any manuals!**

**The British Are Coming. So Are The French**

Shopping with both America and Italy was both fun, and stressful. Italy mostly stuck by me, but he wouldn't stop _talking_ and pointing out everything he saw that seemed fascinating. I didn't mind so much, since I'm not much of a talker anyway.

America, on the other hand, would run ahead of me, fascinated by whatever it was that had caught his eye, and then sprint back to me. He was like a yoyo that could talk. I felt like a mother with two hyperactive kids. The second we stepped into the convenience store, we started attracting a lot of attention. Either from girls who were wondering about the cute guys, or shop workers who were watching to make sure neither of them broke anything.

I grabbed a basket and wandered over to the dairy aisle. "Ve~ _sorella_!" I looked up. Italy shoved a box of lasagne pasta in my face. "Let's get this, please?"

"Hey, hey, sidekick!" I turned and America held up a book of superhero posters and stickers. "Can we get this? It'll look totally awesome in my room!"

I stared at the two of them, and sighed. "Fine, we can get _these_," I took the things out of their hands and threw them into the basket. "Now stick near me. No going off to grab things you don't need!" I tossed some milk, cheese and yoghurt into the basket, and then we found more bread, some bacon, sausages and I even bought ice cream (rocky road and cookies 'n' cream) for America and I. finally, I bought a pack of new paints for Italy.

_Thank god this store has a bunch of random stuff for sale,_ I sighed as the guy at the cash register totalled up everything and put it in a bunch of plastic bags. America grabbed the bags before I could. "Don't sweat it, Alex!" He grinned down at me as he carried the five or so bags like they weighed nothing. "I got this!"

"Ve~, thank you for buying us things, _sorella_!" Italy hugged me tightly. _Aw, shucks, you guys are adorable!_

I smiled back at them. "You're welcome, Feli," I said. "And thanks for carrying the bags, Alfred." Luckily, the store wasn't too far from the house, which was why I could see the large, mint green truck parked outside my house. "_Merde,_" I muttered. "_Merde, merde, merde…_Shawn!" I glared at the man unloading not one, but _two_ crates. "YOU WERE JUST HERE YESTERDAY!" I grabbed him by the shoulders and began shaking him hard. "WHY ARE YOU HERE AGAIN?"

"Ve~, _sorella_!" Italy _ve_-ed in a panicked manner, which made me release Shawn in favour of hugging him tightly and cooing apologies for scaring him. "Ve~…"

In that space of time, Shawn recovered from my attack. "Whoa, no need to attack me!" He held up his arms defensively. "I just deliver the things!" I scowled, but signed for the crates nonetheless, and then I opened the door. I made my way to the kitchen to put the groceries away, while he and America carried the crates into the house. Italy stayed to watch them out of curiousity.

"Who did we get this time?" I grabbed the manuals from the table.

_Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of an ARTHUR KIRKLAND Unit!_

_Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a FRANCIS BONNEFOIS Unit!_

"Looks like we got England and France," I wasn't sure whether or not to panic, or just roll with it. France was a pervert, but I did have a bat. I could handle one member of the BTT, couldn't I? England was relatively alright, if a bit temperamental.

I felt something else inside France's envelope, and found a book with the title _How To Stop the French From Invading Your Bed. _

I sweatdropped. _What the hell? _"Who do we open first?"

"Iggy's in there?" America grinned. "Let's open him first!"

"Ve~, let's open big brother France's crate!" Italy cheered.

"How about we open them up randomly?" I suggested. Both crates looked the same, so I wasn't sure who was in which. I quickly scanned through the methods of waking them up. "Huh, I guess we could do the singing methods," I murmured. "I know the French national anthem pretty well…"

America pouted at me. "Hey, why does my citizen and sidekick know the French anthem anyway?" He whined.

"I had to do a language in high school, and my school only offered Spanish or French. I chose French," I poked his cheek to make him feel better, and he cheered up instantly. Honestly, he could never stay mad for long. "Just give me a minute…" I ran upstairs and grabbed my bat from inside my wardrobe, and then I ran back. "Okay, let's get this over with," I rested the bat on my shoulder and cleared my throat. "_Allons enfants de la patrie, le jour de gloire est arriv..._"

I wasn't even halfway through the first verse when I heard humming coming from inside the crate on the left. I stopped singing, but the humming continued. I went to go find a knife to open the crates, while Alfred started singing the American national anthem in a horrifically off-key manner.

As it turned out, I didn't _need_ go find a knife to open England's crate because, suddenly, a hand broke through the crate and shot out of the top. "TURN THAT BLOODY SHIT OFF YOU BLOODY GIT!"

"Ve~!" Italy jumped behind me in terror. "_Sorella_ save me!" I blinked as a man with short blonde hair, green eyes and rather large eyebrows climbed out of the broken top of the box. He glared at America, who stopped singing and beamed at him happily.

"Yo, Iggy!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT, YOU IDIOT!"

Just as he looked like he was about to attack America and choke the younger nation with his glasses, I remembered France. "_Angleterre_?" A thickly accented voice came from the other crate. "_Angleterre_, is that you? Would someone be so kind as to open this box, _s'il vous plait_?"

"Hold on," I skipped over to the crate and carefully removed the nails holding the top. As soon as I did, I found myself staring into a pair of gleaming blue eyes. "Wah!" I jumped backwards, not expecting the close proximity, and found myself face to face with a France doppelganger.

He climbed out of the box. "_Merci_," he smiled at me with all the charm he possessed, which was a lot. "_Bonjour, mademoiselle_," he took my hand and kissed it. "_Je m'appelle Francis Bonnefois, ma petite chaton, et toi?_"

Before I could answer, England immediately tackled France away from me. "Get away from her, you perverted frog!" He yelled. "She doesn't understand your disgusting language!"

"Actually, _je m'appelle Alexandra, mais vous pouvez m'appeler Alex,_" I smiled brightly at the two of them, who were both staring at me in shock. France's shock soon turned to amusement.

"_Ohonhonhon~_," he chuckled and started making bedroom eyes at me from the ground. "_J'aimerais vous entendre parler ma langue dans son lit_."

_Whoa, dude, you have only known me all of five minutes. _I immediately pointed my bat at his face in a threatening manner. "If you come so much as a foot near me with such thoughts I will crush your vital regions with this bat," I smiled at him brightly. "Am I clear?" His eyes widened in fear and he nodded several times, although I was sure his terror wouldn't last too long.

England started laughing, and then he smiled at me. "Please excuse my boorish behaviour earlier," he said in the smoothest British accent I had ever heard. "I am Arthur Kirkland, and you are?"

_Well frick-frack, British accents are hot. _I smiled at him and returned the bat to my shoulder. "My name is Alexandra, but you can call me Alex, or any other random assortment of non-insulting nicknames. I live with my twin, but he isn't here right now so I guess you'll meet him later." I gestured to their crates. "Do you guys want to take your things upstairs, or are you hungry?"

"Ve~," Italy hugged me from behind happily. "You'll like living here, big brother France!" He chirped. "_Sorella_ is really pretty and she makes really good food and she cuddles me whenever I'm upset! Ve~…"

_You adorable piece of humanity you._ "And she's my sidekick now!" America ruffled the top of my hair while laughing his usual America laugh. "Her power is being super cute but still being able to kill you with a bat!" _I like that power. Thanks America._ France's eyes widened at that. _Yeah, I wasn't joking about the vital regions thing. Fear me in all my below-average-height glory!_

England was the first to speak. "I'd like to pick my room first, if it's not too much trouble love," Arthur said. France nodded as well.

I shrugged and nodded. "Alright, grab your things," I led them upstairs. "That's my room, that's Eric's room, that's America's room, and that's Italy's room," I pointed at each room in turn with my baseball bat. I was running out of space in this house, although Italy's room was virtually not in use since he had pretty much declared his preference of sleeping in my room. "Okay, you can pick your own rooms now."

"I'll take this one, love," England chose one of the rooms closer to the end of the corridor.

"Then I will have this one," France pointed to a door.

I stared at him weirdly. "Um…that's my room…"

"I know~"

Either England really didn't like France's continuous and perverted come-ons, or he just liked fighting France, but the next second later the two were involved in a scuffle with words like 'frog', 'eyebrows', 'wine pervert' and 'hideous' being tossed around. I sweatdropped and walked away. They'd make up on their own.

When I got downstairs, Eric was just walking into the house. "Allie, I'm home!" I jogged down the last few steps and skipped to the door. Eric hugged me, and then he stiffened. "Allie, why are there to people I don't know in our house?"

Apparently the two of them had made up faster than usual, or maybe they were just curious about my twin. "Uh, yeah…these are two more units," I introduced them. "This is Arthur Kirkland, and that is Francis Bonnefois."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," England greeted politely. Eric stared at him for a second, and then transferred his eyes to Francis.

His eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't happen to be French, would you?"

"Ah, _oui monsieur_," Francis smiled.

"ALLIE, WHY IS THERE A FRENCH GUY HERE? I WAS FINE WITH THE AMERICAN, AND THE ITALIAN, AND I AM FINE WITH THE ENGLISH GUY! YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU BEING AROUND GUYS AND NOW ONE OF THEM IS FRENCH?"

I sweatdropped. Eric didn't like me being around guys, and he believed the stereotype of all Frenchmen being handsome sex freaks. While I didn't completely believe all stereotypes, I knew Francis was actually that stereotype incarnate.

"Calm down, _monsieur,_" Francis smirked. "I won't do anything _ma petite chaton _doesn't want~…"

"STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER YOU FROG!" England snickered at the insult.

I grabbed my twin by the face and forced him to look at me. "Eric, chill," I said. "I will be fine. The French aren't perverts for the sake of being perverted, French way of life says that art is everywhere and should me admired, and the human body is the greatest work of art and should be admired in the same way. Besides," I smiled up at him. "I have a baseball bat, remember?"

There was stunned silence after my little monologue, and then Eric huffed and muttered something that sounded like _alright_. "But I'm watching you," he made the universal sign at France, and then went upstairs to change.

England stared at me curiously. "How do you know all that, love?" He asked me.

"Hmm?" I shrugged. "I read a book on French culture once, and I took a trip to France when I was fifteen. It was pretty beautiful." I couldn't look anywhere without seeing a couple kissing or hugging or holding hands. I even saw a couple kissing while riding a bicycle, which just seemed really dangerous and not romantic at all.

"_Chaton!_"

"_Gack!_" I chocked as France suddenly hugged me really tightly. "Hey, what the heck?"

"_Tu étais si doux pour moi de défendre_!" He cried melodramatically into my hair. "Such a kind heart held inside such a beautiful body!" I sweatdropped at his theatrics, and just decided to go for the thing I normally did in such a situation: I patted him on the head. Which was odd since, according to the manual, he was 26 and therefore about eight years older than I was, but meh. "Allow me to show my gratitude…"

_Thwack!_

I replaced the bat on my shoulder and glared at his unconscious form on the ground. "No thanks, pervert. Now," I stared at the rest of the units. "Who's hungry?"

"The hero!" America pumped his fist into the air. "I say we get McDonald's!

"No!" The unanimous, negative call immediately destroyed that choice.

"Maybe I could cook something, love," England suggested. I suddenly flashed back to all the episodes where England's cooking had nearly killed someone. Judging by the looks on everyone else's face, they were also thinking the same things.

"Uh, no, Arthur," I tried not to sound too desperate. "It's your first day. You don't need to cook. I insist," I added, seeing that he was about to argue. "Really. It's fine. I'll go whip something up in the kitchen."

"Ve~, sorella, can we make pasta again?" Italy skipped into the kitchen after me. "We can make lasagne this time, ve~!"

Mmm, I hadn't had lasagne in ages. "Agreed," I nodded. "You get the pasta and sauce, and I'll get the cheese and spices!"

"_Si~!_"

England poked his head into the kitchen. "Are you sure I can't do anything to help, love?" He looked so hopeful, so in spite of the frantic head-shakes I was getting from the rest of the nations, I decided to let him cut up the garlic. I mean, he couldn't mess that up, right? How hard could it be to cut up some garli-! "Ouch! Bloody hell!"

The Englishman was glaring at his finger, which now had thin gash from which blood was welling up. _Blood? I thought these units were mechanical! This is weird, but this isn't the time to be thinking of that. _"England, are you okay?" I walked over to him and grabbed his hand without asking. "It doesn't look too bad, but I don't want it to get infected…Feli!"

"_Si_?"

"Find me the First Aid box. It should be in the cabinet beside the stairs!" He zoomed off, and soon reappeared with the red and white box.

"Ah, love, this isn't necessary!" England tried to dissuade me. "It's just a little scratch, after all."

"Yeah, but it could become worse," I grabbed a bottle of disinfectant and dabbed it on a cotton pad. "Now, give me your hand…"

"But…"

"Arthur…" I raised my voice a bit and glared at him. "Give me your hand, _now_. I will not have you walking around with a bloody hand!" The whole thing did make me feel a bit hypocritical, as I had once nearly hacked my entire finger off and had gone around like nothing had happened, but that was me. "Now, hold still." I grabbed his hand and carefully dabbed the blood away, and then I grabbed a plain sticking plaster and wrapped it around his finger. "There we go!"

The English unit stared at his bandaged hand. I noticed that he was blushing very slightly. "T-thank you…"

I smiled back. "You're welcome!" It looked like I was going to be the unofficial cook, nurse, maid and shopper around here. I foresaw a lot of work in my future.

"Ohonhon~, are you blushing _mon lapin_?"

"SHUT UP YOU BLOODY GIT!"

I ignored the arguing males and quickly packed up the medical things. I wandered back over to the stove. "Feli, how's the lasagne coming along?"

"Ve~, it smells good _sorella_!"

"You know what would make this even better?" America suddenly appeared with a bunch of glass and squeeze bottles. "Condiments!"

"America, where did you find those? AMERICA, NO! YOU CAN'T PUT MUSTARD IN THE SAUCE!"

* * *

><p><strong>Translations:<strong>

**__Je m'appelle Francis Bonnefois, ma petite chaton, et toi?__ - My name is Francis Bonnefois, my little kitten, and you?**

**_Je m'appelle Alexandra, mais vous pouvez m'appeler Alex - _My name is Alexandra but you can call me Alex**

**_J'aimerais vous entendre parler ma langue dans son lit_ - I'd like to hear you speak my language in bed**

* * *

><p><strong>Please review if you can!<strong>


	4. I See England I See France

**I don't own Hetalia, or the manuals used. I wish I owned a shitload of Hetalia units, but I don't *sobs* enjoy the story!**

**I See England I See France**

Feli and I (mainly me) eventually kicked everyone else out of the kitchen so we could cook in peace. France offered to help, but when he wasn't shooting me bedroom eyes, he was subtly feeling up my baby Italian, so I kicked him out too.

Dinner was eaten, and Eric developed an even greater wariness for the blonde Frenchman when he attempted to play footsie with me, but got Eric instead. He didn't seem to mind though, and actually tried it, and was given a kick in the shin for his perverted trouble.

"THAT'S IT! ALLIE, SHIP HIM BACK! WE CAN KEEP THE REST!"

"I VOTE YES ON THAT! SEND THE WINE FREAK PACKING!"

"NON, MON LAPIN, HOW COULD YOU? DON'T SEND ME BACK CHATON!"

"SHUT UP!" I stabbed the lasagne with the kitchen so hard it cut in half, which was sort of convenient. "SHUT UP!" I pointed the knife at Eric and England. "You guys, stop yelling! And you!" I turned to point it at France, who yelped (he was probably remembering my earlier threat). "Stop trying to molest everyone here!"

"_Je suis desole,_" France replied, a bit shakily. Satisfied, I continued cutting up more lasagne for Feli.

"Ve~, thank you _sorella_!"

I smiled back. "You're welcome Feli!"

"And she's back to fawning over the Italian," Eric muttered under his breath. "Bipolar amazon."

"I love you too, twin," I smirked at him. Dinner ended quickly, and I put England and France on washing up duty, with Eric as a supervisor to ensure that none of them, in their rage, broke any of the plates and chinaware over each other's heads. America and I sat in front of the TV and watched _Captain America_ (because why not?) while Feli lay on the floor in front of the couch and drew with my markers. I couldn't see what he was drawing, but it sure as hell looked colourful.

"You know," I commented, passing Alfred the bowl of popcorn on my lap. "DC is all good, but I think Marvel has way better heroes."

"You think?" Alfred crammed a handful of popcorn into his mouth, and spoke through the crunching. "What about Batman? Or Superman?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, hero," I grabbed another handful of rich, buttery goodness, and shrugged. "Batman's alright, I guess. I prefer the cartoon and LEGO versions of him to the movie though…" I threw some kernels into my mouth. "As for Superman, he's far too…uncategorised, let's say. Besides, Marvel has the Avengers and X-Men and that pretty much trumps DC."

America tossed another handful of popcorn into his mouth and spoke through the buttery mush. "True!" He cheered, and then he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his side with a cheery laugh. "My sidekick is awesome!"

"Heck yeah she is! Avengers for the win!" We high-fived, which was just as painful and exhilarating as it was before. "Ow, my hand…"

France and England came out of the kitchen and stared at the two of us. "America, it would certainly be a terrible thing to corrupt the _petite chaton_ with your stupidity," Francis arched an eyebrow elegantly. I stared at him silently. _I wanna be able to do that…_

"Hey, I'm _not_ corrupting my sidekick in any way!" America suddenly wrapped his arms around me like I was a teddy bear (one of the terrible things about being short is that people can manhandle you easily). "You try not to corrupt her with your Frenchiness!"

"That isn't a word," England and I pointed out at the same time. "Super-jinx-personal-bad-luck!" I yelled loudly.

All three of them stared at me blankly. Eric snickered loudly from the kitchen. "What did you just say, _chaton_?" Francis finally asked.

I blushed slightly. "It's a thing Eric and I do," I explained to him. "It means Arthur can't talk until I tell him otherwise he'll have bad luck!" The Englishman arched an eyebrow at me, and I smiled back. "It doesn't really mean anything, but it's funny as heck sometimes! Don't worry," I added. "You can talk."

"That sounds like a rather interesting game, love," he commented. "Maybe I can use it on these gits so I can get a little peace and quiet when I want to read."

France immediately slithered over to England's side and draped an arm around his shoulders. "Aw, _lapin_, you know you love my voice…~"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Cue ensuing scuffle. I sweatdropped at the two feuding blondes, and then I remembered Feli.

I leaned over to watch him curiously. "Whatcha drawing, Italy?"

"Ve~…" he sat up cross-legged, and held up the paper so I could see what was o it. I flushed slightly. It was a surprisingly beautiful picture of me (and I say surprising because it was only drawn with markers and god knows it is really hard to draw properly with markers. Or at least it's hard for _me_) sitting at a table and reading a book. "Do you like it, _sorella_?"

I stared at it for several seconds, not saying a word, and then I tackle glomped him to the ground. "I LOVE IT!" I squealed into his shoulder. "IT'S SO AMAZING YOU BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE HUMAN CREATURE!" I was pretty much nuzzling into his face, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Ve~," Italy giggled happily. "I'm glad you like it, _sorella_."

"I feel like I've been replaced," Eric commented from somewhere behind me. "Anyway…" I yelped as Eric picked me up and slung me over his shoulder. He started towards the stairs. "Time for bed, baby sister."

"We're twins you twit!" I yelled at him. France, England, America and Italy watched as Eric carried me up the stairs. "And you know I hate being carried like this! Put me down you insufferable ignoramus!"

England snorted and barley repressed his snickers. My brother paused. "I have no idea what you just called me, but it sounded hurtful. I'm hurt."

I rolled my eyes as he put me down. "Well boohoo," I replied. "Learn not to suck at English then," I told him. "Feli, bedtime! What?" I blinked at everyone else when they stared at me. "Feli sleeps in my room now, or did you not know that?"

America blinked. "Since when?"

"Since…last night, apparently," I shrugged. "Goodnight everyone!" Feli skipped over to me and grabbed my hand as we made our way upstairs. After a few more seconds, the rest of the nations filed after us and made their way to their own bedrooms for the night. Like last night, Feli and I cuddled down together (I had to remind him to get his pants again) for the night.

He fell asleep first, making that cute phonetic tic he always makes and smiling happily in his sleep. I smiled slightly. Feli was so cute, and sweet, and I liked taking care of him. More then I liked taking care of Eric, that's for sure.

Just as I was about to drift off to sleep, I heard my door creak open slowly and a shaft of light appeared on my bedroom floor. I froze. _That could be Eric, but I doubt it. it could be America, but we didn't watch any scary movies tonight. That can only mean one thing…_

"_Ohonhon~_"

_Thwack!_

The sound of my bat connecting with his head was loud, and it woke Feliciano up. "VE~, I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" He screamed to his supposed attacker. "I'M STILL A VIRGIN! YOU DON'T WANT TO KILL A VIRGIN!" I sweatdropped and patted him on the head to reassure him that nothing was wrong. "Ve~, why is big brother France on the ground?"

I stared at the naked body of the unconscious Frenchman, and sighed. "I'm housing a pervert," I murmured to myself. "And now I have to get him out of here." Considering the circumstances (namely his nudity) I did not want to touch him. Luckily he was facedown, otherwise I'd be seeing stuff I really didn't want to see. I threw one of my sheets over his lower back so I wouldn't see anything else.

As I was doing that, Eric and the other units came rushing. Apparently they had also heard the sound of wood hitting a person. "Allie!" Eric rushed into my room, and nearly tripped over France. "WHAT THE FU-!"

"Language," I snapped.

"Don't worry, the hero is here!" America ran into the room, along with England, and they both stopped in the doorway. America blinked several times in confusion. "Whoa, dude, why is France passed out in your room?"

I shrugged and sat down beside Feliciano on my bed. "I knocked him upside the head with my bat," I explained. "I knew I should have read that book," I muttered the last part under my breath.

"That bloody pervert!" England exploded. "I was so sure he was going to try this on me!" And then he blushed slightly. "N-not that I'm glad it happened to you…"

I just smiled at him. I knew that wasn't what he'd meant. Besides, he had been molested by France enough times in the series, and in fanfictions, so he could have a break now. I covered my mouth with my sleeve as I yawned. "Anyway, could someone get him out of here so I can sleep?"

"Of course baby sister," Eric's grin worried me. It radiated dark vengeance and thoughts. Feliciano began to tremble and cower behind me nervously. "I know just where to put him…"

"Eric, you can't tie a rock to his leg and throw him into the swimming pool," I sighed. My brother frowned at that. "Throwing him in our neighbour's wood-chipper is also out of the question," I added when I saw his mouth open again. "Burying him alive, mutilation, selling him on the black market and poisoning him are also unacceptable options."

There was a pause. "How about…"

"You also cannot hire a helicopter and push him out at high altitude," I cut him off. I knew my twin very well. "Just take the weirdo back to his room and hopefully he'll wake up with slight retrograde amnesia and a serious headache."

"…fine," he grumbled. Between him and England, the two of them hefted the blonde up and carried him out of the room. America followed, chattering to Eric about whether or not my powers also included being able to read minds as well as hit people with a bat.

"Good grief," I yawned and crawled back into bed beside Feli. "I hope this doesn't happen every night."

oOo

France didn't seem to have suffered any physical damage, apart from a slight headache when he woke up. He had, on penalty of death and/or castration, apologised to me for sneaking into my room last night.

"Although," he commented from where he was leaning against the kitchen counter. "I wasn't going to do anything to you. Not without the _mademoiselle's_ express permission."

I scoffed and continued chopping up the bell peppers. "Yeah well, you don't have it. You're probably never going to get it," I finished dicing up the pepper and poured it into the frying pan along with the cracked eggs.

It was Monday morning, and America and Feli had left for their jobs. Eric had gone for one of his early morning classes, which left me at home with England and France. The former was wandering around the house looking for Flying Mint Bunny. If he wandered far enough, I was pretty sure he'd find the room that housed my library.

"Anyway," I moved over to the stove and stirred the scrambled egg. "If you weren't going to do anything, then why did you sneak into my room?"

He grinned and laughed that very French laugh of his. "I must appreciate beauty, right _ma Cherie_?_ I simply wanted to stare at your beauty in its most vulnerable form._"

I turned and glared at him. "No," I snapped, pointing the spatula at him for emphasis. "Bad France. Rape is wrong."

He looked affronted. "Rape? But of course! I am the country of _l'amour,_" he whipped a rose out of nowhere, and I could almost see the sparkles emanating from him. "No one understands love better than I do! And I know this," he held the rose out to me. "Love is something that cannot be forced unto another."

I blinked, and then I blinked again. You know, Fanfiction had really spoiled France for me. I understand using him as a sort of perverted comic relief, but so many stories depicted him as a wannabe rapist that his character had been spoiled for me.

"Huh," I turned the stove off and took the rose from him. "That might actually be the wisest and least perverted thing you've said since I met you. Well done." After breakfast, I grabbed the newspaper and their manuals so I could search through the job ads. "France, do me a favour and go look for England please."

"_Oui, ms chaton,_" he walked away. "Hey, _sourcils!_ Eyebrows! _Rosbif!_" I sweatdropped and wondered why he had to call out using the most insulting names in the manual. From somewhere in the house, I heard an English accented voice yelling, and then France laughing cheerily. "Oh, there you are _mon lapin!_"

"SHUT UP YOU GIT!"

"Ah, is that really the sort of language you should use when there is a lady in the house?"

"BUGGER OFF!"

I decided to ignore their repressed sexual tension and focused on the newspaper pages. For Francis, I circled any jobs that had to do with cooking with my pen (because that was the only job I would allow from his manual). I got stuck for England though. He really struck me as a sort of literary person, like a lecturer of English literature and language (I was just afraid he would become really biased and/or throw things at people if they dared butcher the language in front of him).

While I was debating, the two of them had finally returned. France looked a little worse for wear, and Arthur looked a bit grumpier. "Hey, Arthur," I waved him over, and then I noticed the book he was holding. "Oh, so you found my library then?"

He blinked at me in surprise. "It's yours?"

I nodded. "Some of the books used to belong to my grandfather, but he gave them to me when he died. A bunch were already mine though," I gestured to the book. "I didn't think Mark Twain was up your alley."

England blushed and hid the unabridged version of _Tom Sawyer_ behind his back. I could hear France laughing his laugh quietly. "A-anyway love, what did you call me for?"

"Oh yeah," I passed the newspaper to France and then gestured for Arthur to sit next to me. "Since Eric and I clearly can't be expected to work to support all of you, especially since I'm not sure how many of you guys we're going to _get_," I sighed. "You need to get jobs. All the stuff I've circled are jobs you can do," I told France. "But then I got stuck for England because...well...your manual didn't give me that many choices."

France plopped down on my other side and leaned over to read England's manual in favour of the newspaper. "Ohonhon~, I think _mon lapin_ would do very well as a pole dance-!" The book in Arthur's hands suddenly found itself thrown at France's face with great force.

"I was thinking of the policeman option," I said. "But the waiter option sounds pretty good too. And you'll be out of danger."

"What about the exorcist option?"

I shrugged. "I thought about it," I told him. "But then I realised that I didn't want my neighbours attacking us with holy water every time we stepped out of the house." And I didn't want him to accidentally bring anything home.

He hummed. "Point taken." In the end, we decided that France would sit for a job interview at this romantic-themed patisserie, and England would try for a position at this super fancy Victorian-themed restaurant. I thought it was nice of karma to make such perfect jobs appear. Knowing these two, there was no way they wouldn't be accepted.


	5. Sunflowers Everywhere

**I have so many ideas for this fanfic that's I literally dream of Hetalia at night. I am literally in love with the world right now. Note that this fic is not romantic whatsoever, just pure, platonic friendship and all that platonic fluff stuff.**

**I don't own anything!**

**Sunflowers Everywhere**

I was right. About them getting the jobs I mean. It didn't take too long, actually.

**Earlier That Day**

"_Voila_, a Café liégeois," France held out the delicious looking dessert plate out to one of the female chefs that had been assigned to watch over his work. He smiled charmingly and looked up at her from beneath his lashes. "For you, _ma petite chaton_."

"Bloody frog," England muttered under his breath beside me. I just sighed and facepalmed as the formerly stern, but rather pretty and vaguely middle-aged woman began to blush and giggle like she had just reverted back to being a schoolgirl.

_At least he's done._

**A Little Later**

"Well, he looks like he'd fit the bill…" The owner of the restaurant eyed Arthur. She was a short, slightly chubby woman with a touch of grey at the temples. She was dressed rather classily, in a smart suit and heels. Her words were clipped and professional. "But we do need a certain type of charm here."

I left England to his interview and let my eyes wander around the place for a bit. This place did look like it would be a bit pricey, but the aura was certainly very…British. Arthur would feel right at home here.

_Being the personification of all things British, he ought to. _I turned back to them, in time to see Arthur pick up the woman's fallen pen and hand it back to her with a smile. "I believe you dropped this, love," he said in the most charming British accent I had ever heard.

…

…

…

"Arthur?"

"Yes, Allie?"

"I think she's fainted."

**Back to Present**

So, yeah, all of that happened. England did look good in the uniform though. The manual was right about that…

They started that very day (after the woman had woken up from her brief, hot-British-guy induced coma), which gave me some time to myself. I didn't have any classes that day, due to my teacher being really sick so he'd decided to stay home. He had e-mailed us the topics, some notes and then the research we were supposed to do for the next class.

Mondays, contrary to popular belief, were pretty good days for me. I only had one class. Granted it was three hours long, but it could be worse.

I walked back home alone and grabbed my laptop to check my e-mails. As I was scrolling through the notes and pointers, I suddenly remembered what I'd been trying to find out a few days ago. I quickly opened a new tab and typed in _Hetalia Manuals Flying Mint Bunny Corporation _into the search bar.

As the results popped up, however, the doorbell rang. _What the-? Who the hell could that b-no. No. No. NO!_ Right outside my door was, you guessed it, Shawn. And what was next to Shawn? A giant crate. He rang the doorbell again. "Hello, anybody home?"

"No," I snapped.

"That's funny because I'm sure I heard your voice."

"I'm dead. This is my ghost. Go away now," I glared at the door and tried to will him back into his truck and away from my door.

I heard him sigh through the door. "Look, will you just sign for this thing? I have other deliveries to make." _Other delieveries?_ I jumped down from my seat and opened the door so I could sign for the crate.

"Do you have to deliver units to other people too?" I asked him curiously as I handed back the signer pad thing. _Do other people get units too? I wonder how they're coping… _

Shawn shook his head and took the pad back from me. "Nah, just basic Hetalia fan stuff," he explained. "Flying Mint Bunny hats, Hetalia shirts, books etcetera," he wheeled the crate into the room (why was it covered in chains?). "Well, good luck!" He handed me the manual in the manila envelope. "Trust me, you'll need it with this one."

"What?" But he had already left. I glanced down at the envelope in my hands, and quickly unsealed it. Inside was a lilac-coloured booklet. Judging by the colour, I already had a pretty good idea of who I had just received.

_Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of an IVAN BRAGINSKY Unit!_

_Shit. ShitshitshitshitshitSHIT! _Look, I loved Russia, I really did. He was my favourite Hetalian and my favourite love interest in any Reader-insert and OC-based stories. Unfortunately, he was also really creepy and kind of nuts. Therefore, while I loved him and his childish face to bits, I was also really terrified of him.

_Okay, calm down Allie,_ I told myself. _Relax. First things first: get the bat._ I grabbed my bat from my room._ Next, look through manual for the least threatening method of waking him up. _I did so. I didn't have to look for long, since the first option was the most appealing.

I quickly scampered away and hid behind one of the couches. I could understand a bit of Russian, as Eric seemed to have adopted that language the way I had taken on French, so I knew how to speak the word in the manual. I took a deep breath. "_брат!_"

There was silence for a minute, and then the crate started shaking like whoever inside was trembling rather violently. A teary voice came out from it. "нет_, _go away Natalya!" I blinked. It always made me wonder how a giant like Russia, wielding a metal faucet pipe, actually managed to be scared of his little sister. I mean, yeah, Belarus was one scary-ass woman with knives but _come on_. He could stand up for himself, couldn't he? He wasn't one of the largest countries in the world for nothing!

Besides, incest was totally wrong and completely warped and shouldn't be allowed, period.

I quickly ran over to the box and unhooked the chains and nails from the top. Seeing as the crate was pretty tall, I had to drag a stool over so I could stand on it and reach the top. As soon as the crate was open, I found myself nearly face to face with a pair of lilac eyes set in a childish-yet-mature face. I blinked. He blinked. And then I spoke. "Uh...hi?"

"You are not Natalya," he commented after another second of silence.

I shook my head. "No, I'm Alexandra," I watched him get out of the crate. "But you can call me Alex, or Allie, or any other non-insulting nickname that you come up with."

He nodded, and then stared at me. I stared back, taking in the remarkable similarity between this person and Hetalia Russia (although I really shouldn't have been so surprised by now), and then I hopped off the stool. _Goddamn…_ This guy was a giant. At least, compared to me he was. He was a good foot taller than I was, plus some inches.

He broke the silence with a giggle and a hand on the top of my head. "You are quite short, are you not?"

_Your hand is crushing my head. _"That's not my fault!" I pouted. "I got the short genes, and Eric got the tall ones." Eric was just six feet, which still made Russia the tallest in the house. "And if you don't stop patting me, I'm going to lose a few more inches!" The last time Latvia had tried that, Russia had pulled him like a medieval torture device.

Fortunately, I had a bat. At any rate, that didn't happen to me. "Alright, comrade," Russia removed his hand from the top of my head and replaced it at his side. _That sort of hurt,_ I rubbed the top of my head and eyed him curiously and warily. _This could be harder and more painful than I thought._

I huffed and stared at his box of stuff. According to the manual, there was vodka in there. I suppose I had to make space in the fridge for it somehow. The cupboards were already filled up with Italy's packets of pasta. "Anyway, do you want to go pick your room now, or are you hungry?"

Russia eyed me out of those beautiful, yet strangely coloured eyes. "I would like to be picking my room, да?"

"Okay," I turned and gestured for him to follow me up the stairs. "We already have Italy, France, England and America staying here," I pointed to each room in turn. "Plus my room and my brother's room." _Damn, we are seriously running out of living space here. Maybe a few of these units should consider rooming together._ I could not imagine any of them agreeing without putting up a fight. Maybe Italy could just move to my room since he slept there every night anyway.

"Америка is here?" I could pretty much feel the purple miasma surrounding Russia at the mention of Alfred. The quiet _kolkolkol_ of his laughter was also pretty cheery too (not). "That is nice. I look forward to smashing his head in with my pipe and watching him bleed. If he dies, then I get great pleasure smile!"

I sweatdropped at the complete cheeriness of his voice in the not-at-all cheery statement. "Okay, there will be _no_ smashing in of any body parts," I told him. "Apart from being very dangerous, blood is also really difficult to get out of fabrics." Ivan just smiled at me like he had no intention of obeying a single thing I'd just said. I would just have to convince him later.

The room he chose (when I pointed it out to him) was painted a summery shade of yellow. I was going to repaint it since I didn't really care for yellow (it was far too bright), but I was glad I had decided not to. Ivan looked very happy with the colour.

"There's a florist nearby," I told him with a smile as I stood in the doorway and watched him walk inside and gaze around the bedroom with pleased eyes. "You can buy sunflowers from there to decorate the place."

Russia put down the small crate that held his things, and then turned to me. "спасибо_,_ comrade Alexandra," he suddenly lifted me up in a bone-crushing hug. I mean that in the most literal way possible. It hella hurt. "Ah, you _are_ small," he commented. "I wonder how it would feel to break all your bones…"

In spite of being really terrified, and in pain, I managed to scowl and glared at Russia. "Stop it," I snapped. "I just did something nice for you, dammit! You know what it feels like to be small and bullied. How would you feel if you were treated like this?"

He didn't say anything for a second, and then I felt the pressure around me loosen and disappear. Air rushed into my chest and I gasped for breath as my lungs expanded to take in the air my body needed. Ivan stared at me silently. In spite of the smile on his face, his eyes seemed serious and slightly sad. "I have hurt you, да?" I nodded because I wasn't really sure what to say. "Я извиняюсь. I am sorry, comrade. You are right. I wish to be friends with you, да?"

I smiled slightly, and then I realised that he was holding me under my arms like you might hold a young child. _Damn, is he strong or am I just light?_ I decided that the answer was probably a mixture of both. "Meh, it's alright," I told him. "I want to be friends with you too. Just…don't hurt me. Or my twin brother."

"да," Ivan nodded, and then he put me down.

We stared at each other silently, and then I tilted my head to the side. "So...how do you feel about chocolate brownies?"

oOo

"_Ve~, sorella!_"

"_Yo, sidekick, your hero's back!_"

"_Ma Cherie, I brought you a treat!_"

"_Frog, she doesn't want any of your French crap!_"

I looked up from my laptop when all the others poured in through the door, with my twin bringing up the rear. He sighed loudly. "Yes, twin sister, the crazies and I are back," he sniffed the air. "Hey, did you make brownies today?"

I nodded. "Yeah, but we ate most of them so there aren't a lot left." I accepted Italy's kisses on both cheeks, and slung an arm around him when he cuddled up next to me.

Eric nodded in understanding, and then he frowned. "Wait, who's _we_?"

"Oh yeah," I chuckled nervously, and glanced at the kitchen out of the corner of my eyes. "You see, we sort of got a new unit while you guys were all out." _Please don't panic._ I pulled Italy closer to my side just in case he did freak.

"Really, Cherie?" France asked. He handed me a cake wrapped in pretty tissue paper with red hearts all over it and then settled himself on my other side. "Who was it then?"

"Um...well..." I unwrapped the tissue and took a bite of the cake to stall for time. "Freak, this is good. Did you make this? This is amazing," I licked up a bit of icing from my fingers. He laughed that particularly French laugh at my excitement.

"подсолнечное," Ivan stuck his head out of the kitchen, much to the shock of everyone (except me). "I cannot find my supply of vodka. Ah," his eyes fixed on the other countries and his smile widened even more. "всем привет_!_"

The screams of terror were pretty unanimous, simultaneous, and really loud. "SACRE BLEU, IT'S HIM!" France and England dived behind the couch like they were taking cover from an exploding bomb.

"VE~, SORELLA, SAVE ME!" Italy wrapped his arms around my neck and tried to clamber even closer to me. He somehow ended up on my lap _ve_-ing uncontrollably in terror.

America was the only country that acted in a less terrified manner. "YOU DAMN COMMIE, YOU BETTER NOT HAVE DONE ANYTHING TO MY SIDEKICK!" With that, he picked me up (which made Italy whimper even more now that he didn't have me to hug like a protective shield) and glared at Russia.

Ivan cocked his head to the side and smiled. "What? But Alexandra is my comrade, is she not?"

"HELL NO! SHE IS MY SIDEKICK! DON'T TRY CONTAMINATING HER WITH YOUR COMMUNIST GERMS!"

I sighed. "Does it help if I tell you that Russia stopped being communist almost twenty years ago?" I asked. America paused mid-rant, and stared down at me blankly. "I did study world history between 1945 to the early 2000s in high school," I explained. "Now, could you please put me down and could everyone please stop panicking?"

After a lot more wrangling, everyone more or less calmed down. Italy stuck closer to me now that there was a scary presence in the house, but Ivan seemed to have calmed down. He did do that scary laughter thing for a few minutes, but then I found him the supply of vodka that had come in his crate and had that calmed him down.

He and Eric seemed to have bonded a bit over their shared language, which annoyed America a lot ("Why does my citizen know such an unheroic language?"). I talked to Russia about possible jobs, but none of the jobs on the manual seemed to really interest him. I couldn't pay him to be my bodyguard, and drinking was not a career (although it could be fun at some point). The athlete option seemed pretty good, but if he got scouted and became famous that could cause a few privacy issues.

In the end, I told him I'd take him to that florist I was telling him about earlier and see if he could get a job there. "They sell a lot of sunflowers now, since it's still summer," I told him.

"спасибо_,_ подсолнечное_._" I knew what the word meant. My brother spoke Russian, and I'd read enough Hetalia fanfics to know that it was a term of affection that Russia used (since he loved sunflowers so much). I quite liked it.

_I wonder how many units we're going to get from these guys._

* * *

><p><strong>Translations<strong>

**Café liégeois: **(French) A cold dessert made from lightly sweetened coffee, coffee flavour ice cream and Chantilly cream

**брат: **(Russian) Brother

**нет: **(Russian) No

**да: **(Russian) Yes

**Америка**: (Russian) America

**спасибо**: (Russian) Thank you

**Я извиняюсь**: (Russian) I am sorry

**подсолнечное: **(Russian) Sunflower

**всем привет**: (Russian) Hello everyone

**I am going to end up learning a lot of foreign words because of this story. I got the translations from Google Translate, so if I made a mistake please let me know! Review as well!**


	6. The Awesome Me Has Arrived!

**I think I may be loosing momentum with this story. In all honesty, it was probably just the plot bunny of several hours worth of reading manual fics, and now that plot bunny has hopped away.**

**I don't own Hetalia, or any of the manuals!**

**The Awesome Me Has Arrived!**

When I woke up the next morning, it was to a the warm feeling of someone cuddling into my neck behind me, and also to a pair of amethyst eyes staring right at me. The first was pretty nice, the second…not so much.

I blinked, and blinked again, and then I realised what was going on and I screamed. "HOLY FRICK-FRACK!" I yelped as I shoved myself away from the person kneeling beside my bed. In doing so, I ended up nearly shoving Feli off the bed. The Italian woke up and proceeded to do his signature _ I surrender _rant. "IVAN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?" I yelled at him. And then I remembered something. "Wait, didn't I lock the door?"

I had started locking my doors after the whole France incident. I didn't think he would try it again, but you never know…

"Oh, da, you did," his smile grew wider. I leaned to the side slightly and saw my door had been neatly broken off its hinges and placed carefully to the side. My eyes widened. _How the flip did I sleep through that?! Well, I am a very deep sleeper._ I had once slept through a thunderstorm which had blown down a nearby power pylon.

I sighed and wondered whether I had the nails and tools required to fix my door again. _Or I'll just get Eric and Alfred to do it. Yeah... _"Calm down, Feli," I patted the trembling Italian on the head (being mindful of his curl) to soothe him. "Relax, I'm here."

Even though he still seemed nervous due to the presence of the larger and much creepier male, Italy relaxed against my back.

I turned back to Ivan. The man was still standing there and smiling cheerily. You know, one of these days I was going to need to ask him about his need to have this perpetual smile. But, for now, there were other questions on my mind. "Russia, why are you in my room though?" I glared up at Ivan. "What was so important that you felt compelled to break my door open? And where are America and England, and France?" How had my resident hero ignored that?!

He cocked his head to the side and smiled childishly. "_Они оставили. _They all went to work," he explained. "I was alone so I came to wake you up, but then I liked watching you sleep. You are so vulnerable and easy to take advantage of," he began _kolkol_-ing while I stared at him with wide eyes because, seriously, _what the fuck dude?_

Behind me, Italy began _ve-_ing uncontrollably out of sheer fear. I patted him again and just stared up at Russia silently. "That is all sorts of creepy," I finally commented. "Please don't do that again. You're going to fix my door since you broke it."

"_Kolkolkolkol…_"

"Don't think you can creepy-laugh your way out of this one!" I snapped. "Also, please stop that. I think Italy's going to pass out." The Italian had climbed under my bed and I could almost feel his trembling through the mattress. "Go wait outside while I get ready. We'll go to that florist I mentioned earlier."

In the end, I got him to wait outside my door while I coaxed Feli out of his hiding place with the promise of pasta when he came home from work. After that, he launched himself at me in a flying hug-tackle. "Ve~, _mia sorella è la migliore_!"

For breakfast, I toasted several slices of bread for the three of us, and buttered them up before they got too cold. I also made tea to drink for myself. _Arthur has already been at my tea,_ I noted as I gazed into the significantly reduced box of Earl Grey. _Ah well, I was thinking of getting a new type soon anyway. _Even though I loved Earl Grey to bits, there were other types of tea out there.

_Wow I act so British sometimes_. Ah well, British people are cool. I love history, and the Victorian era was a pretty fantastic time to learn about. I mean, maybe not so awesome to _live_ in, but awesome to read about. The fashion, the mystery, it was the time that inspired all steampunk-related things!

Well, that and the Wild West, which was pretty awesome too.

I brewed myself a cup of tea and dusted a few stray toast crumbs that had ended up on Feli's upper lip. "Be careful," I chastised gently. He made that cute sound and blushed slightly at my attention. I lifted my teacup to my lips (yes, a teacup) and took a sip of my tea. _England would be so proud of me! _

As I was lowering the cup, I noticed Russia pulling something out from his coat. I blinked. _Is that…is that vodka? _It was. Why he was carrying around a bottle of vodka so early in the day, I did not know. I get that Russian 'water' is actually vodka, but come on! Just because they're both transparent…

"Oh, no, you are not drinking vodka for breakfast!" I grabbed the bottle before he could. "Drink tea, drink coffee, drink hot chocolate, but people typically do _not _drink vodka so early in the morning."

Ivan blinked at me. For a minute I wondered if I had gone too far and just signed my very own death warrant at the hands of a slightly insane Russian, and then he shrugged and complied. "в порядке…"

_Huh, he agreed surprisingly quickly. _I put his vodka back on the table and made him a mug of coffee. Personally, I cannot stand coffee. It's too bitter, and it tastes like coal tar (or maybe that's just how my brother makes it). Besides, I'm not into being a caffeine addict like Eric. The last time we ran out of coffee he went _nuts_. I found him lying under our dining table with his teddy bear. His pupils were dilated, and he was acting slightly stoned.

I handed the steaming mug to the giant. He took it from me. "спасибо," he smiled, and then grabbed his bottle and poured a generous helping of the vodka into the black liquid, and then he turned to me with an even brighter smile. "This is fine, right comrade?"

The slight purple miasma around him told me that disagreeing with him would not be in my best interests, so I nodded nervously and went back to sipping my tea while comforting the once-again frightened Italian. Ivan drank his now-spiked coffee in peace.

Italy left for work as soon as the last bite of toast had been eaten (by him). While I was washing up the breakfast things, I heard a knock at the door. "Comrade Alex, there is someone at the door. Shall I grab my pipe in case it is needed to bloody them up?" Ivan asked me cheerfully.

I sweatdropped. "No, Ivan, I don't think that's really necessary." After all, I didn't want people to start talking about how I had a crazy Russian man, who liked to attack people with a bloodied metal pipe, living with me. _I also don't want them to comment on the French guy that keeps hitting on people, or the American with the obnoxious laugh, or…generally any of my units. _

Ivan shrugged and went back to gulping down the last of his coffee while I got the door. It was Shawn and his Flying Mint Bunny paraphernalia. "Hey, you're not dead!" He beamed brightly. "That's great!"

His sunny attitude annoyed me. My left eye twitched. "Yeah," I replied sarcastically. "No thanks to you though."

"Aw, don't be like that," he smiled at me cheerfully. "You look fine and relatively unscarred so you must be doing well!"

I rolled my eyes and glanced at the crate beside him, which Ivan was looking at with curiousity (after he was done directing that creepy _I-look-cute-right-LOL-I-could break-your-spinal-cord-with-my-pipe_ smile at Shawn). "Who is it this time?" I asked as I signed the signer-pad-thing and moved aside to let him push it into the house.

"Can't tell you," Shawn shrugged. "Company policy. Well, good luck! I see you're getting along very well with Russia, so you should be fine with any others! See you when the nest unit comes!" And with that, he drove off.

"Who is it, comrade?" Ivan asked, peering over my head. I pulled open the manila envelope to reveal a similar manual to Ivan's, except this one was white. I flipped it open.

_Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Hetalia Unit!_

_Goddammit, _I glared down at the paper. One more member of the BTT to go. Why couldn't I have gotten Spain? Even if he was a member of their little group, he was cute and probably the least perverted of the three. Instead, I'd gotten Prussia, the King of Awesome with the recurring _awesome five meters_ joke.

"Comrade?" Russia leaned over me, and my mind flashed back to my history classes, and all the episodes of Hetalia that I'd watched. _Prussia doesn't like Russia. Therefore, the two of them meeting would be bad. It's too early in the morning to deal with this._ So I did the next best thing.

I snapped the manual shut and grabbed the empty mug out of Ivan's hands. "Come on, I have to take you to the florist, right? If you want to start working today, we have to go right now!"After a lot more wrangling, I managed to distract Russia from the unit in the box.

The getting him a job part was significantly harder, especially since the owner giving him the interview looked really intimidated by the large Russian man. However, she decided to hire him after she saw how much he liked being around the flowers.

"Alright, Ivan," I warned him before I left. "No threatening, no pipe, no vodka, no creepy-miasma-thing and _no_ intimidation of any kind," I stared up at him. "Especially the pipe," I added. "Unless, you know, the shop is being robbed and they need someone to get rid of the bad guys. Then it's alright."

Ivan frowned/pouted. "но подсолнечника,I do not want to not be able to drink vodka," he stared down at me. I thought for a little while, and then sighed.

"Hold on," I jogged across the street where there was a vending machine and bought a bottle of water. "Quick, give me your vodka," when he handed it to me, I dumped all the water into one of the plants and then poured the vodka into the now empty bottle. "Voila!" I handed it back to him. "Just…don't let anyone have any, alright?" He nodded excitedly.

_Now, for the unit I left at home. The Awesome Prussia,_ my head pulsed slightly in acknowledgement of the migraine I was sure to get in a few hours._ I really wish I'd gotten Spain. He's cute, and he likes to eat tomatoes and he cooks! Plus, he isn't as perverted as the others._

_Or is he?_ I considered the notion as I made my way to my front doors. _I mean, he is Spanish. _Was that racist of me? Spanish men, along with Italians, did have that sort of stereotype. And Hetalia was all about stereotypes, right? _Well, Feli isn't a tall, tanned, muscular stud. Sure he's flirty, but that's about it. He's super cute though, and not bad-looking._

I unlocked the door with a sigh and eyed the crate curiously. It was exactly where I had left it, in the exact condition I had left it. _Well, I can't leave him in there all day,_ I grabbed the manual from where I had dropped it and flipped to the page that explained how to wake up said unit. _Let's see here,_ I scanned through the options.

Pour beer on the lid. _I don't drink. _Eric did but he was super protective of his beer stash (even though beer is disgusting in my opinion). _I'll keep it in mind though._

Australian apple strudel or playing the piano. _I guess he'll think I'm Austria, huh? Unfortunately, my culinary talents do not stretch that far, and I don't play the piano well enough for him to confuse the two of us._

Talk in Russian, use Russian terms, basically act like Russia. _I really don't want to traumatize the guy the second he gets out! I'm nicer than that!_

Activate the Gilbird Unit. _Well this seems relatively sane and non-harmful to my person. I'll do it!_ I put down the manual and began rootling through the box that contained all the things that came with the unit. In the corner I spotted a small wooden cage, inside which was a cute yellow bird. "Aw," I smiled.

My voice must have woken it up because it chirped once. I opened the cage and it began to fly around in circles above my head while chirping.

Suddenly…

_CRASH!_

"KESESESESE! THE AWESOME PRUSSIA HAS ARRIVED!" I had yelped and dived behind the couch the second the crate had cracked and nearly blown apart. _Why does this seem so familiar?_ "Kesese, hello mein awesome bird!" There was more chirping, and then Gilbird settled on his owner's head.

I poked my head out from behind the couch and stared at him. "Hello," I started. He turned and stared at me, and I was struck by how striking he looked. I mean, blood red eyes, silver-white hair, perfect pale skin. He was like a vampire (but not the useless Twilight ones). You couldn't miss someone like Gilbert anywhere he went. He stuck out.

That still didn't give him the right to be so narcissistic though. It also didn't give him the right to do that signature hissing chuckle and then eye me up and down like a piece of meat. "Hey, you're pretty hot. Wanna see my awesome five meters?"

_Thwack!_

"No," I glared down at his prone form. "I'm good." Gilbird fluttered around his head, which made the scene look slightly cartoonish.

After a few seconds of just lying there, he groaned and glared up at me. "You hit hard for a girl," his accent was guttural, but not unpleasant. "Almost like Hungary. I like it. So what's your name, frau?"

I rested the bat on my shoulder and smiled at him. "I'm Alexandra, but you can call me Allie, or whatever non-insulting nickname you come up with. Please note that _sorella_, love, sidekick and sunflower are already taken."

He frowned at the last one, and then muttered something in a flurry of angry German, and then he grinned. "In that case, I'll call you Alex." I nodded. It sounded short and simple, I supposed, even though he was the first person to ever call me that. Most of my friends and family thought it sounded too masculine for me. "Now, tell me you've got beer," he cracked his knuckles and looked in the general direction of the kitchen. "And it better be the awesome German kind, not any of that unawesome American beer!"

_Unawesome is not a word. _I sweatdropped and turned to go into the kitchen. "I wouldn't know," I shrugged. "I don't drink. Eric drinks though," I grimaced. He wasn't even legal. He got beer from one of his friends who was. I didn't condone it, but he was an adult right? He made his own decisions now.

Gilber frowned at me. "You don't drink?" He scoffed. "How unawesome." I shrugged uncaringly and opened the fridge, then I gestured for Prussia to pick whichever one he wanted. Eric kept his beer near the bottom of the fridge because I didn't like looking at it whenever I went to get food.

After eying the cans for a few seconds, Prussia zeroed in on a brand that suited him. He popped the lid and began to chug it down. It was a while before he finally paused to breathe and belch. While he drank, I shut the fridge and wandered back to the front room. There were pieces of crate all over the place, and I set to work picking them up.

The Prussian followed me and watched me clean. "Hey," he stared at me. "You said you didn't drink, so why do you have beer? Who's Eric, your boyfriend?" He taunted.

I shot him a blank look, and rolled my eyes. "Not likely," I scoffed. "Eric is my twin brother. We live together, even though he's out most of the time. He should be back later." _Unless he decides to go clubbing. If he does, I hope he calls first so I can drive him home._

Gilbert made a sound in the back of his throat, and then started laughing. "Kesesese, of course! An unawesome girl like you obviously wouldn't have a boyfriend!"

I stared up at him silently, and debated smacking him upside the head with my bat. Then I decided that the insult wasn't that big of a deal and I huffed. "Says the guy who thought I was hot not ten minutes ago."

He just shrugged and grinned. "You were the one staring at me earlier," he smirked.

_Oh yeah, I was wasn't I? But it wasn't because I was checking him out though. _I lifted my arms in a shrug. "I was just considering thinking that you're nice to look at," I said this without blushing because I wasn't embarrassed. "Don't let it go to your already big head."

"Oh, so you don't deny it?" He cackled. "Does that mean you _do_ want to see my awesome five meters?"

_Thwack!_

* * *

><p><strong>Translations<strong>

**Они оставили **- (Russian) They left

**Mia sorella è la migliore **- (Italian) My sister is the best

**в порядке - **(Russian) Alright/Okay

**спасибо** - (Russian) Thank you

**но подсолнечника** - (Russian) But sunflower


	7. English Cooks and Spanish Men

**English Cooks and Spanish Men**

That's pretty much how the day went. I eventually locked myself in my room just so I could get some peace and quiet for a while, but when I came down again Gilbert had managed to destroy the kitchen stove in an attempt to make lunch for himself. Why he hadn't just _called_ for me, I would never know.

At least the rest of the kitchen was clean. Who knew that underneath that irresponsibleness lurked a clean-freak? I forgot that he and Germany had that in common.

After that, he badgered me to make something with wurst, but I didn't have any worst, so he just badgered me to make something with potatoes, so I made hash browns which he chomped down with a lot of gusto while vocalizing his approval loudly in German and guzzling down two more cans of beer.

Finally, _finally_, the other units came home. America was the first through the door: "Yo, sidekick!" The front door flew open, revealing said hero bearing a bag of McDonalds (I was going to have to talk to him about healthy eating at some point). Behind him were France and England. Those two got off at the same time, and America got off at some unknown time, but the three of them always managed to come back at about the same time.

_It's nearly complete, _I thought as I stared at them silently. _I just need Matthew and then I'll have a complete FACE family!_

I couldn't wait to get my baby Canadian. I would make sure to always remember his name, and never forget his presence, and smack anyone who dared sit on him upside the head with my bat. And then the two of us could eat pancakes and maple syrup while making fun of Justin Bieber and hugging the shit out of his fuzzy bear with the super long name that I cannot remember.

Ah well, I wasn't alone. Canada usually couldn't remember his name either.

Anyway, back to what was going on. I waved at Alfred. "Hi hero," I chirped. "As you can see, there is a man passed out here," I gestured to Gilbert's unconscious form on the ground in front of the couch I was sitting on. "Try not to step on him. We got a new unit today," I added as a bit of an afterthought. "That's him, by the way."

America began to cackle loudly while England just stared as France rushed over to his friend and began trying to rouse him while speaking in a mix of French and English. "_Mon amie, are you alright?_ What did you do to _ma Cherie_?"

Gilbert groaned and sat up. "I just asked _mein frau_ if she wanted to see my awesome five meters!" He frowned at me. "And then she hit me with the bat."

England scoffed and wandered over to one of the seats. _I need to take all of them shopping at some point,_ I thought absently. "Well of course, you git," Arthur rolled his eyes. "It's rude to proposition a lady, such as Alexandra, in such a crass manner."

_You're so nice! _I gazed at Arthur silently. The perfect English gentleman. "_Mais oui_," France was suddenly by my side holding out a rose. "You must use charm and subtlety to tease, _am I right?_" He handed me the rose, and then I noticed that it looked too shiny and smelled faintly like some sort of candy.

It was. It was candy. _I love these guys._ The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. America grinned and patted me on the head. "I can't believe my sidekick hit Gilbert with a bat!" He laughed. "Dude, that was so awesome! High five me!" And thus, we high-fived. I think I was getting used to his overzealous slaps.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Italy flew in. "_Sorella!_"

*tackle glomp*

"_Veveveveve~_" he sat, half on my lap, half on the couch, and placed cheery kisses on both my cheeks. "Ve~, _hello sorella_, how was your day? I had so much fun today! Can I tell you about it? Can we have pizza? Oh, did anything happen? Ah," he suddenly seemed to notice Gilbert on the ground. "_Ciao_ Gilbert! Did you just arrive? Have you met _mi sorella_? _Ve,_ isn't she pretty?"

The other units stared blankly as Feli prattled and I patted the adorable Italian on the head. "_Ciao_ Italy," I pecked him on the cheek and he grinned cheerily.

Gilbert scoffed and turned to France. "How come he's allowed to do that?"

I levelled the albino with a pointed glare. "Are you cute and sweet? No. Also, he is my other _fratello_, and therefore is allowed to cuddle me whenever he wants." Not that Eric was allowed to cuddle me, it's just that Feliciano was a thousand times cuter. Speaking of which, where was my actual brother? "And yes, we can have pizza. What toppings?"

Something I will never forget ever again, is that when you ask a bunch of culturally diverse people what toppings they want on a pizza, chances are they will not agree on anything. This was why I eventually ordered three half-half pizzas (different toppings on each half). "Next time, we're doing luck of the draw," I sighed once I had finished placing the order. "Ah, that reminds me," I blinked. "Where's Ivan?"

Prussia's expression got a bit darker, but he didn't say anything. America leaned against me on the couch and stared at me out of annoyed blue eyes. "He's probably out corrupting other citizens and turning them into communist slaves."

"Russia isn't Communist anymore," I pointed out, not for the first time, just as the door flew open again and said man stepped inside. He was holding a bouquet of sunflowers in one arm, and he used the other hand to shut the door. "Oh, hi Ivan!"

"Hello comrade," he replied. "Did I hear Amerika saying something stupid?"

America jumped up from the couch and glared at the Russian man angrily. "Say that to my face commie!" _Please don't start. This evening was calm before. Can't we all just get along?_ "And stay away from my sidekick!"

"Like I have said, Amerika," Ivan sighed. "Alexandra is my comrade as well. We are friends, yes?" He directed this question at me, to which I nodded and resumed stroking Italy's back. "Are you stupid as well as fat? Of course, I still would not mind breaking your face with my pipe!"

"Bring it on commie!"

Prussia cheered. "I'm with America!"

"Oh, Kalingrad, you are here as well?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Can't we all just get along?" I yelled in the midst of all the voices, and then I discerned the sound of the doorbell ringing. "Oh, pizzas here!" I ducked underneath the brawling males and made my way to the door, sidestepping some shoes, and picking up the fallen bouquet of flowers. "Hello!" I chirped at the guy when I opened the door.

"I have an order here for Alexandra Clare?" Behind me, I heard the sound of someone screaming profanities. "Uh, is everything okay?" He looked just a tad bit worried.

I waved a hand airily at the interior of the house. "What? Of course! Just a few roommates getting used to one another. OI, YOU GUYS!" I screamed into the house. "KEEP IT DOWN, I'M TRYING TO PAY FOR THE PIZZA! ALFRED, ALFRED PUT DOWN MY TABLE! PUT IT DOWN OR NO MORE MCDONALDS! I'M SERIOUS!"

"But Allie...!"

"NO! WE NEED THAT TABLE TO EAT! WAIT, GILBERT PUT FELI DOWN! PUT MY BABY DOWN, YOU CANNOT USE HIM TO HIT IVAN!" I turned and directed my most normal smile at the pale delivery guy. "Yeah, sorry about that. How much do I owe you?"

In all honesty, he looked about ready to run away screaming, but he managed to stutter out a price and I dug my hand into my jean pockets for my wallet. "Dammit, must be in my jacket. OI, FRANCIS, COULD YOU STOP FEELING UP ARTHUR FOR A MINUTE AND FETCH MY JACKET? DO YOU WANT PIZZA OR NOT? THEN GO GET MY JACKET! NO I WILL NOT REWARD YOU FOR THAT YOU FREAKING PERVERT!"

Eric chose that moment to arrive home, and fortunately he was sober. My twin brother stared at the house, and then at me. "...what did I miss? Ooh, are we getting pizza? What sort did you order?"

I shrugged. "Three half-and-halfs, so there's some chicken, pepperoni, beef, and some other stuff. Just need to pay for it."

"Don't worry, I got it," Eric whipped out his wallet and dumped two ten dollar bills in the kid's hands. "Keep the change."

"Thanks for the pizza!" I called after him as he practically scrambled to his motorcycle and zoomed away. "I get the feeling things are gonna be like that for the foreseeable future." Eric nodded in agreement, and then we both walked into the house to find a scene of near carnage.

Ivan and America were wrestling on the ground, with the Russian's pipe at America's windpipe, and Alfred's hands at his throat. Prussia was cheering on America with another can of beer. Arthur was huddled on the couch as far away from Francis as possible, who seemed to have resumed his activities after fetching my wallet. Italy was hunched under the coffee table, waving a white flag and surrendering in very loud, jumbled Italian.

And yet, all of that stopped when I raised the boxes of pizza into the air. "PIZZA'S HERE!"

Ten minutes later, we were all sitting in the room with the boxes of pizza and no one was fighting! Well, Ivan wanted me to sit with him (as it turned out, the sunflowers were for me) but Alfred yelled something about protecting his precious sidekick. In order to avoid another all out brawl, Eric had yanked me next to him.

I sighed when I chomped down my third pizza slice. "Alright, I think we need to lay down a few ground rules once again," I told them. "Alfred, no calling Ivan a communist. Ivan, no calling Alfred fat. Also, no calling Gilbert Kalingrad." That was apparently a bit of a sore point. "Francis, no feeling up people that do not want to be felt up!"

"_Ohonhon~_, but ma Cherie, how else am I supposed to spread _l'amour_?"

"...I'll repeat it again: don't feel up people that do not want to be felt up. Gilbert, you want beer, you go to Eric," I gestured to my brother. "Arthur, Feli..." I stared at the composed Englishman on the couch and the Italian cuddled into my side. "...you guys are fine."

Arthur grinned smugly. "Why thank you, love."

"Thank you _sorella_!"

"Sidekick, how come Iggy doesn't get any rules!" America pouted at me over the rim of his glasses. "I'm your hero, right? At least make a rule against his awful cooking!"

"Don't call me that! And my cooking is perfectly fine, you insufferable wanker!"

France placed a hand on England's shoulder and shook his head. "_Angleterre,_ there indeed should be a law against _the disgusting slop_ you create."

"You all just don't have any taste!" Arthur replied hotly. "Alexandra would love my cooking, wouldn't you love?" I froze on my seat and pretended to find my pizza incredibly fascinating. Luckily England didn't even wait for my reply. "You'll see, I'll cook something for you tomorrow and you'll love it!"

"_Ve~_, don't kill _mi sorella_!" Feliciano wailed.

Prussia nodded hurriedly. "_Ja_, I mean I haven't known our owner for too long, but she's too hot to die like that!" The other countries voiced their agreement loudly, leaving Arthur to splutter angry retorts right back.

oOo

The next morning, I awoke to the smell of something burning, and Italy clinging to my neck like a frightened koala. "_Ve~_, I tried to stop him!" The Italian cried. "He scares me!"

The door of my room burst open, and America appeared in the doorway. "Never fear, sidekick, the hero will protect you!"

I arched an eyebrow at him and got out of bed. "I thought the hero was only supposed to protect the damsel." Honestly, how bad could Arthur's cooking possibly be? Now that I thought about it, maybe it was just bad in _comparison_. I mean, English people ate and they were still alive. Their food couldn't suck _that_ much.

_Still,_ I stepped into the kitchen and gazed at the clouds of dark smoke that rose from my stove, and the man hurriedly placing something onto a plate from the frying pan. _I really don't want to die._ "Ah, you're just in time," England grinned at me. "I made you breakfast!"

_Well_, I stared at the plate in front of me. _At least the food doesn't look like it will give me salmonella and food poisoning._ By all accounts, it looked pretty normal, even though it wasn't necessarily really breakfast food: fish and chips.

_Don't let me die. There's so much I have yet to accomplish! _I lifted a forkful of the chips to my mouth, but before I could taste them, a body flew down the stairs and slapped the fork out of my hands. "NO, I NEED YOU TO BE ALIVE! IF YOU DIE, WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MOM?!"

I blinked, and then turned to stare at my brother silently. "Eric, I won't die. I mean, how bad could it be?" Then I saw the way they were all staring at me and I rolled my eyes. "Oh come _on_. Okay, let me just take one bite..." At that moment, the doorbell rang and I glanced pointedly at Eric. "Go get that."

"But-!"

"Go!" He grumbled, but slunk out of the kitchen. "And I'm going to need another fork."

Italy wrapped his arms around my neck. "No, _sorella_, don't eat it! If you die, who's going to hug me and kiss me before I go to sleep?"

"And who's going to watch horror movies with me and be my sidekick?" America yelled. While they were doing all of that, and England was glaring at them like he would explode at any moment, I picked up a bit of the not-as-hot-as-before chips with my fingers and tossed them into my mouth.

I froze, staring at my plate in shock. Behind me, the sound of the countries arguing became muffled, and then I focused on England who was sipping his tea angrily. "...it's nice."

Arthur nearly did a spit-take, but he managed to swallow the liquid down and dissolve in a choking fit. The other countries, on the other hand, began to scream louder. "OH MY GOD, YOUR COOKING DESTROYED HER BRAIN!"

"No, _mi sorella_! What if I make her pasta?"

"_Sacre bleu_, who let _Angleterre _cook?"

"First we must kill England with my pipe for feeding _my sunflower_ his food."

"England, did you kill our not-so-awesome-but-still-hot owner already?!"

"WHO KILLED MY SISTER?!" Eric sprinted back into the kitchen. "ALLIE!"

"SHUT UP!" My voice made them all quiet down. "As you can see, I am still alive, so there will be no killing of anyone. Especially with pipes," I directed that last bit at Ivan who looked a tad bit disappointed. "And another thing," I turned to England. "...you make good fish and chips. I like it."

Arthur stared at me silently for a moment, and then he suddenly glomped me across the table. "THANK YOU!" I yelped, wondering why he'd had such a strong reaction, and then I remembered the manual. _Ah, I must have unlocked his Loving Mode._ Now all I needed to do was be able to see fairies and then we'd be best friends forever.

"Oh yeah," I twisted my head around to stare at Eric. "Who was it anyway?"

My brother looked up from where he was eying the chips suspiciously, and jerked his head to the front room. "We got another one of these guys."

I blinked and tilted my head to the side, not an easy feat considering that England was still huggling me. "Really? Which one?" _Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada...!_

_Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO Hetalia Unit!_

Ah, Spain. Well that was still pretty good, except now _the entire freaking BTT was going to be assembled in my living room!_

Actually, that sounded pretty epic, let's go for it! "We got Spain!" I called to no one in particular. England started grumbling, which at least got him to release me.

"Yay, big brother Spain!" Feliciano recommenced hugging me. I reached up and stroked his cheek absentmindedly with one hand, and frowned when Gilbert and Francis whooped excitedly and sprinted for the crate.

"Wait, let me read the manual first you freaks!" I ran after them and yanked France away before he could open the crate. "Feli, my bat!" The Italian ran away and returned with the trusty weapon. I didn't think I'd _need_ it, but I liked to have it anyway. "Okay, methods of opening!"

_Let's see...I'm not cooking, and I'm not about to have an England-Spain showdown so early in the day...I don't have a LOVINO VARGAS unit yet and...what the hell is a TOMATO unit? Why can't I just use a real tomato?_

I snapped the manual shut and turned to the two other members of the BTT. "France, Prussia, I'm leaving this to you!"

"_Oui, ma Cherie!_ Oh Spain!" I shuddered slightly at the way Francis was feeling up the box like it was the country itself. "_C'est moi_, your friend Francis!"

Gilbert's method was a bit more effective, in my opinion. He just banged on the wood of the crate while cackling loudly. "Oi, wake up and get your ass out here Antonio!"

After a moment, a muffled but undoubtedly Spanish-accented voice came from inside the box. "_Hola_ my amigos!" He sounded cheerful. "Wow, it's dark in here! Can I get out?"

"Yeah, give me a moment," I loosened the nails at the top of the crate and knocked it loose. "Alright, you're good!" A second later, I was nose to nose with a ridiculously good-looking Spanish man with the prettiest green eyes I'd ever seen, and the whitest smile I'd ever seen outside of a toothpaste commercial. _Damn. _"All my dreams are coming true," I muttered, more to myself than anyone else.

He beamed at me, apparently not caring about our proximity, so I didn't pay attention to it either. Things are only as awkward as you choose to make them. "_Hola pretty girl!_ _My name is _Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, and you are?"

Just as I was about to reply, I was shoved out of the way by my brother. "ALLIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHO IS THAT? WHY WERE YOUR FACES SO CLOSE? I DON'T LIKE SEEING YOU WITH STRANGE MEN!"

"Eric, you're squishing my lungs..." I gasped for breath when he released me. "Eric, this is Spain, otherwise known as Antonio. Antonio, this is my twin brother Eric. I am Alexandra, pleased to meet you," I held out my hand for a handshake.

The Spanish man that was the personification of all things Spanish bent at the waist, took my hand in his and brushed a kiss against the skin. "_It's a pleasure to meet you, sweetheart._"

_...all my dreams really are coming true._ "STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!"


End file.
